teach me how to have thick skin, dealing with difficult people

PhillippaX50 · Sep 6, 2013

I understand how you feel. I think that kind of attention (when you are put on the spot and don't have an answer) makes everyone uncomfortable. I really don't let stuff like that bother anymore - maybe it's my age. If I don't have an answer (or my answer is wrong) - yes, it's a little embarrassing - but I know that I'm smart & get good grades. I don't feel inferior to other students or even the teacher. I'm not going to have the right answer 100% of the time because I'm LEARNING - and I'm not the only one. If you're a good student and are confused on something, chances are that some of your classmates are in the same boat. Always remember that.

I've noticed that a lot of the younger (under 25) people I have classes with - while they're nice people & we're friendly - some seem to be a bit more judgmental towards other students. For example, a couple of the girls will say things like "Uhh...did you notice that X and X always ask the dumbest questions in class?" It's true that sometimes people ask questions that seem silly - but that doesn't mean that the person is stupid. Asking questions is how we learn, and everyone has brain farts sometimes. I don't let it affect me because I know I'm smart.

I had a teacher put me on the spot once, and (at the time) I felt like she was doing it on purpose! I realized later that it was all in my head. Even if it was on purpose - who cares? I wasn't the first and I probably won't be the last. Just try to keep in mind - you're going to have teachers who will do this a lot. In fact, you're going to be in a lot of situations in your life - especially as a nurse - where you'll be put on the spot, embarrassed, etc but you've got to just roll with the punches. Try not to take things too personally - it's not all about you. I know it's not easy when you're a sweet, happy person. I like to think that I'm that way as well. Just remember that everyone is different and handles situations differently.

queserasera, RN · Sep 6, 2013

I worked for quite a few years in the corporate world. I remember getting my first higher power job and thinking, "Everyone is so mean to me!" Of course, I had to quickly get over it.

Lybi Ma of "Psychology Today" has some really awesome tips and through putting all these into practice I can attest that I have become more confident, less reactive and generally, more happy!

Here are a few tips to developing a thick skin:

Don't take things personally. Sometimes you may need to reframe a person's bad behavior by remembering that it's not about you.
Don't let others get to you. Refuse to get overly responsive to the negative feelings and provocations of others. Adopt strategies that regulate emotional arousal; otherwise negativity hijacks the thinking brain. Try simple deep breathing or declare time out.
Remember that everyone gets rejected sometimes. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Don't be discouraged if it takes a few times to get it right. Successful people are rejected over and over, but never stop trying.
When you're rejected or something doesn't go your way, counterpropose a new solution. Often, the person declining your offer is not rejecting you. He may even want to hear another idea. Successful individuals come back from rejection with new proposals. They're creative at coming up with additional ways of looking at things and solving problems.
Don't hesitate to unstick sticky situations. If you're discussing an issue and the conversation is going off track, stop it and restart it on the right track. You could say: "This isn't going productively. Let's reshoot this scene from the beginning" or "Can we take it from the top?"
Don't be self-focused. If you do focus on yourself, you'll likely dwell on your shortcomings. Instead, think about your goals and what steps you need to get there.
Stop the self-talk. Counter self-defeating self-talk with truth talk: "You can be your own worst enemy, so give yourself a break."
Don't worry about looking stupid. If you are asked a question and you don't know the answer, you can simply say, "I need to think about that and get back to you later."
Learn to be patient. Don't be impulsive or react to a situation without giving yourself time to cool off.
Don't be quick to blame. Recognize that other people have their ups and downs.
Think about others. Enter social interactions with this thought of making the experience itself enjoyable. Ask yourself, "What can I do to make you feel more comfortable."

PhillippaX50 · Sep 6, 2013

The list from Chelsea13 above - is wonderful advice. This is one of the greatest lessons you will learn in life! :)

aTOMicTom · Sep 6, 2013

That sure is a great list. I would add to it the fact that it is completely normal to have hurt feelings from some confrontations and disagreements, but you can tell yourself "Okay, that hurt emotionally. The hurt is normal and expected. Next step: regroup and move on".

TexRN, BSN, RN · Sep 6, 2013

Maybe they are putting you on the spot because that's what will happen when you're a nurse. Although I'm sure one can be put on the spot without feeling like they are being humiliated.

besaangel, ASN, BSN, MSN, CNA, RN, APRN, NP · Sep 6, 2013

There were three people who were rude to me at work this past weekend and I DID NOT reply impolitely, matter of fact I didn't respond at all. Not a word!

To me, this is the key- do not feed into it

carefulcare · Sep 8, 2013

I just want to tell you all thank you! I appreciate your advice. And I will start not take it so seriously and look at it as a learning experience.

umbdude, MSN, APRN · Sep 8, 2013

It's not uncommon to draw a blank when you get put on the spot to answer a question. It's happened to me and frankly...since it didn't impact my grade who gives a *&*@? Other students!? I care even less about what they think of me. I'm not being self-centered. But I have learned to realize that these people come and go in my life. They might be here this moment but they will soon disappear entirely from my life. Why would I care about what they think about me??

Also, realize that most people will think you're just fine. The ones who constantly judge others are the ones who have problems themselves. Focus on yourself first and foremost...what other people say or think about you really mean very little if any.

Divatologist, ADN · Sep 8, 2013

Don't take it personal. What you will encounter out there can be worse than what you're dealing with now. Not knowing something can cost somebody their life. You think your prof put you on the spot? Wait till you have to face a family after they find out you didn't know something and as a result their loved one is no longer with them. That's the worse case scenario of course, but definitely something to think about. You will always have someone testing you. You know who's the worst? Healthcare workers make the worst patients and family members lol. Everywhere I've worked there has always been a grumpy pants. Most of the time there has been more than one lol. I've been called out my name. I've had racial slurs hurled at me left and right. I've been kicked and punched. It doesn't phase me because I know who I am. I also know how to clap back in a way that is not inappropriate, but will let you know I'm not to be messed with and your best bet is to go somewhere and sit down and be quiet. That thick skin will come in due time.

alexia262013 · Sep 8, 2013

I worked for quite a few years in the corporate world. I remember getting my first higher power job and thinking, "Everyone is so mean to me!" Of course, I had to quickly get over it.
Lybi Ma of "Psychology Today" has some really awesome tips and through putting all these into practice I can attest that I have become more confident, less reactive and generally, more happy!
Here are a few tips to developing a thick skin:
[*]Don't take things personally. Sometimes you may need to reframe a person's bad behavior by remembering that it's not about you.
[*]Don't let others get to you. Refuse to get overly responsive to the negative feelings and provocations of others. Adopt strategies that regulate emotional arousal; otherwise negativity hijacks the thinking brain. Try simple deep breathing or declare time out.
[*]Remember that everyone gets rejected sometimes. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Don't be discouraged if it takes a few times to get it right. Successful people are rejected over and over, but never stop trying.
[*]When you're rejected or something doesn't go your way, counterpropose a new solution. Often, the person declining your offer is not rejecting you. He may even want to hear another idea. Successful individuals come back from rejection with new proposals. They're creative at coming up with additional ways of looking at things and solving problems.
[*]Don't hesitate to unstick sticky situations. If you're discussing an issue and the conversation is going off track, stop it and restart it on the right track. You could say: "This isn't going productively. Let's reshoot this scene from the beginning" or "Can we take it from the top?"
[*]Don't be self-focused. If you do focus on yourself, you'll likely dwell on your shortcomings. Instead, think about your goals and what steps you need to get there.
[*]Stop the self-talk. Counter self-defeating self-talk with truth talk: "You can be your own worst enemy, so give yourself a break."
[*]Don't worry about looking stupid. If you are asked a question and you don't know the answer, you can simply say, "I need to think about that and get back to you later."
[*]Learn to be patient. Don't be impulsive or react to a situation without giving yourself time to cool off.
[*]Don't be quick to blame. Recognize that other people have their ups and downs.
[*]Think about others. Enter social interactions with this thought of making the experience itself enjoyable. Ask yourself, "What can I do to make you feel more comfortable."

I'm always like that especially with self-talk, I'm trying to make myself better in that department..

carefulcare · Sep 9, 2013

Don't take it personal. What you will encounter out there can be worse than what you're dealing with now. Not knowing something can cost somebody their life. You think your prof put you on the spot? Wait till you have to face a family after they find out you didn't know something and as a result their loved one is no longer with them. That's the worse case scenario of course, but definitely something to think about. You will always have someone testing you. You know who's the worst? Healthcare workers make the worst patients and family members lol. Everywhere I've worked there has always been a grumpy pants. Most of the time there has been more than one lol. I've been called out my name. I've had racial slurs hurled at me left and right. I've been kicked and punched. It doesn't phase me because I know who I am. I also know how to clap back in a way that is not inappropriate, but will let you know I'm not to be messed with and your best bet is to go somewhere and sit down and be quiet. That thick skin will come in due time.

Thanks @divatologist. I had to realize that I will most likely have to deal with this type of stuff as a nurse. And you are right, there will be someones life in my hands and I will need to know how to deal with situations like this while keeping my composure. I appreciate your advice. :yes: