Support system... not so supportive.

Lajimolala, BSN, RN, NP · Oct 21, 2008

Gosh I know exactly what you mean! I feel as though I'm going through what you're going through too. It's hard, because they are your support system and at the same time, they don't completely understand where you're coming from and they only hear complaints from you so maybe they are tired of it? You don't know! But all you know is that it seems they don't want to talk about it anymore. How I approach it is, when they ask, I give a very general answer. If its totally kicking my butt and I need to turn up my studying a notch or two, I would say something like, "It's okay, really really tough. But I feel like if I step up my game I'm totally ready for it." Let them know what you're going through, but end it with a good, positive attitude (which you should have anyway for peace of mind) and they will gladly ask you about it next time. And when you really need to vent...your classmates would be the PERFECT people to vent to...because they know EXACTLY what you're going through!! I have found that some of the friends I have made during these prereq courses have kept me sane. You don't have to be super close to a classmate to say, "How'd you do on that test?" And let the ventings begin!

whiteoleander5 · Oct 21, 2008

It's like a bra... the box says "18 hour comfort support..." but after about 6 hours it's starting to dig in there and not be so comfortable.
My fiance was really good at showing his support in the beginning but now, I know he will support me but he doesn't show it as much. It's really hard to explain.
All he does is play a stupid computer game (which he has somehow talked me into playing taking away study time so we can do something together) and avoid me. He still loves me so I know it's not a relationship issue per se, it's more like he's afraid to ask me how my day is afraid I'll give him a bad answer like "Ugh, I don't understand anything, I'm going to fail" he gets really annoyed and says I'm being dramatic. Before he'd give me a little pep talk if I felt insecure about something.
And I'm not even into the hard nursing school stuff yet.
He used to help me study for exams, and now he tries but I think most of this stuff is over his head and maybe he feels bad about that. I'm so afriad it's only going to get worse before it gets better and he gives up. We've been together over 5 years, maybe he's just tired of me.
My parents and friends just stopped altogether asking me how school is. It's not like I spilled my guts everytime some asked but I didn't lie, you know. I'd be like "It's ok, it's getting pretty intense now though" or "It's fine, except microbiology is kicking my butt pretty hard". What was I supposed to say "AWESOME! I'm doing fabulous :up:"?
Am I driving everyone away? Am I being whiney?

I think as a stressed out nursing student you have a right to be somewhat whiney, just not all the time. I feel that people not in nursing school (ie: parents, friends, fiances, boyfriends..) don't understand the severity of how we feel, even though they try... My boyfriend does what he can to help when I am in one of those freaked out "OMG how am i going to learn all this?!" modes, and all he does is reassure me that its not so bad (HA!) and that I'll do fine-- Simple words, but it actually helps me put it all into perspective a bit... That nursing school is only a phase of my life and will not last forever. I try not to bore him with all of my whiney antics, but of course when I want to B#%ch & moan, hes the first person I go to. Maybe as much as your fiance loves you, He doesnt know what to tell you anymore.. Maybe he feels bad that you feel so stressed out & believe you are going to fail, and so he shuts down...

When my friends and parents ask how school is, I really dont know what to tell them-- Its good, its bad, its hard, its challenging, its terrifying, its exciting, its a rollercoaster of feelings every week! (Eh-- Okay, Everyday.) Its almost like I am at a loss for words, so I am usually just vague.. I try to tell them about the good things though rather than the negative, like how I helped Mrs.So-and-so in clinical the other day and it was so rewarding... or how I passed my skills test. Of course I'll mention that its tough, but I dont dwell on that fact, maybe cause I dont want to remind myself how hard it can be.... :no:

Keep your chin up, Tell your fiance how you feel.. Ask him to help you study again because it really helped you, let him know that you need/want his support more than anything. Best of luck...:redbeathe

Snowii · Oct 21, 2008

I never thought I about talking to classmates, I guess I always felt like I'd just be burdening (is that spelled right?) them with my issues too.

Thanks.

Don't give the bra up just yet, ;-)

MrsTLC · Oct 21, 2008

We tend to deal with "everything" on the table, where men can really only handle one detail at a time. You being overwhelmed or stressed out may be having an affect on him and he can't handle all the feelings you are feeling at once. It might be draining on him, and yes, he could be withdrawing from that, because thats his way of dealing with stress. Also, he might be feeling "inadequate" because he doesn't really know what you are going through, and therefore feels like a failure because he doesn't know how to help you.

My husband and I have talks about things like this...because a lot of the time he gets upset when i am stressed out or overwhelmed. I have to remind him he hasn't "failed" at making me happy... That sometimes I just need someone to "listen" to me so I can get whatever is bothering me off my chest...

I agree the classmates are essential for getting through the tough times and venting... maybe doing that and only sharing your "triumphs" with your fiance will help with the stress.