I am struggling with this. One of our nurses committed suicide the other day. She worked her last shift with me in our fast track, we had a great day. We were giving each other crap, she told me we made a good team and she always liked working with me, which was true, we always got things done. But I never saw the signs. I've struggled with depression and suicidal ideation myself, so I know how easy it is to hide your pain, but I'm still beating myself up over this. She was one of the first nurses that made me feel welcome when I was a baby nurse five years ago. And all these years later praised my abilities as a nurse and told me all the time how I was such a great nurse. I tried to explain to my mother how I was feeling but I don't think she understood. My ER family is way more than a "work family" to me. We ARE family, bonded together in ways outsiders could never understand. There's no real point to this, I'm just trying to process this loss. Thanks for reading.