Published Jun 22, 2004
Just in case someone at work is being particularly thick..... Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say "I'm stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything.
It would be like, "Excuse me....oops, never mind. Didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a Ridgeways truck in our driveway. Me neighbour comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?". "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes, & Here's your sign".
A couple of months ago, I went fishing with a mate of mine. We pulled his boat into the ramp, I lifted up this big whiting and the rest of my catch and this idiot on the ramp goes "Hey, you catch all those fish?".
"Nope, Talked 'em into giving up, & Here's your sign".
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit, and there's only one way to test
it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good....They want you to jump into this pool of sharks and you tell us it if hurts when they bite you. "Well all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna
Last time I had a flat tyre, I pulled my car into a gas station. The attendant walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tyre go flat?". I couldn't resist and I said, "Nope. I was driving
around and those other three just swelled up on me, & Here's your sign".
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the
house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, he says "****, that's hot!". See, If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...ok...no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign.....until he asked "So.....is your truck stuck?". I couldn't help myself. I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "No...I'm delivering a bridge, & here's your sign.
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?". I replied, "No, I left about 10 minutes ago, & Here's your sign".
Anybody you know need a sign today? Send this to all your friends. The next time someone says something stupid, ask them where their sign is.
VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN
Bill Engvall is one of the funniest people on this planet........Have you seen the Blue Collar Comedy Tour yet? It's on Comedy Central every couple of weeks, and we liked it so much we bought the DVD. It features Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy and Ron "Tater Salad" White, and it's a riot!!
Here's some more classic Engvall:
My car overheated in the middle of a trip, so I pulled over and called a tow truck. When the driver got there, he asked "So, your car broke down huh?" I said "No...it wanted a cigarette so I pulled over"............here's your sign
My grandmother was 104 years old, and she died.......I went to buy her some flowers, and the flower feller said, "Who're these for?" I said, my grandmother, she was 104 and she just passed away.........then he asked "What'd she die of?" I mean, she was 104 .......I said "She wrecked her Harley up there at the corner".......here's your sign
My wife and I decided to repaint our house, so when the painters came to put drapes all over the furniture one guy asked, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said "No, it's our coffee table---it just has buck teeth!" Here's your sign....... :rotfl:
Bill Engvall is one of the funniest people on this planet........Have you seen the Blue Collar Comedy Tour yet? It's on Comedy Central every couple of weeks, and we liked it so much we bought the DVD. It features Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy and Ron "Tater Salad" White, and it's a riot!! The funniest thing on the DVD was the cereal bit. Mother of four, grandmother of five... been there, done that. I was laughing so hard no sound was coming out of my mouth. Definitely a must see.
The funniest thing on the DVD was the cereal bit. Mother of four, grandmother of five... been there, done that. I was laughing so hard no sound was coming out of my mouth. Definitely a must see.
maire, ASN, RN
Larry the Cable Guy sends me into hysterics too. :rotfl:
"My sister....is covered with moles..."
Yup......"Git 'er done!!" :rotfl:
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