A/A/OX3

To begin with, I believe it is quite presumptuous of you to identify NP's goal as 'having a successful career'. Her goal may be to fatten her bank account. Her goal may be to snag a doctor husband. Her goal may be to please her parents. Her goal may be to use nursing as a stepping stone to greater things. It does not follow that because she is a nursing student, she wants a successful nursing career, particularly 'in that unit'. I have to believe that if she 'is the best' as she has stated, her goals are far greater. People, such as her preceptor, are people I refer to as 'fillers'. They are present for only one reason... to provide a 'body count'. 'Her preceptor' would be the person who's goal is a 'successful career in the unit', most likely because she has few successes elsewhere... rather like the bank teller that has complete control of your life for that tiny moment in time. You say that I am ' blindly accepting her characterization of the preceptor which clearly stands in contrast to that of all her peers'. My visual image while reading those words was Hitler standing over the open graves at Buchenwald. The SS claimed he was a swell guy. I am a CVICU CCRN in the Texas Medical Center in Houston at the DeBakey Heart Institute, Methodist Hospital. It is a 41 bed surgical heart unit. Our patient load includes AAA, CAB's, heart and lung transplants, 8 different types of VAD's (axial and pulsatile) and ECMO. I have worked in community hospitals and teaching hospitals. I have been in the game a long, long time. I know the preceptor to whom NP is referring. At St Margaret's, her name was Mary. At Community, his name was Joe. At Christ, her name was Kelley. At University of Chicago, her name was Kathy. At Methodist her name is Dawn. Because their cronies say they are 'swell nurses' does not make it so. It only perpetuates the abuse. How did Hitler's seige end? America stepped in and said, 'Not today. Not ever again'. As seasoned nurses, this is our job. You say, 'I have had my share of inflamatory exchanges in the workplace in the past and have found that it does none of the things which I strived for i.e; build solidarity among workers, earn the respect of the "victim", or resolve the conflict'. I am curious as to what other outcome you expected when your approach was 'inflammatory'? The scariest comment in that sentence was 'earn the respect of the "victim" '. Were you defending the victim for respect? I would hope that you were doing it because it was right and just. I believe that Emerson speaks to the respect I covet far more eloquently. "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." He also said, "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." Finally, in the words of Emerson, I say to you NP... "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Go make some history NP.

I was 38 when I started nursing school. That is almost 20 years ago now. I had four kids, a mortgage, piece of crap cars, and bills up the wazoo. I went to school fulltime, taught at he university part time and interned nights part time, local hospital, ICU. I slept 2-4 hours/night five days a week. I ended up hypertensive half way through. It would have been easier without kids and if I didn't have to work but that wasn't an option. My kids were all in school when I started... kindergarten through sophomore in high school. Daycare was never an issue. I suppose it all depends on how bad you want this and what sacrifices you are willing to make to achieve your goal. If you have income other than your own and can make it not working, that would be the best solution. If not, you gotta do whatcha gotta do.

When I started nursing school I was 38, had four kids and no skills. If something would have happened to my husband, the five of us would have been out on the street. Motivation got me through the long nights and trying days. You have to be 'invested' in what you are doing or all the tips in the world won't bring you success.

Funny... your quote stands in direct opposition to your recommendations. You tell NP2BE to cave and suck up to this self-indulgent, egocentric preceptor wannabe, then close with the following words: 'Well behaved women rarely make history'. You also beat her up for saying she is 'the best'. I say, if you got it, flaunt it. There is more than enough low self-esteem in the field to go around. After getting our self-confidence kicked out of us over the years by doctors, managers and other nurses, cowering in the corner seems to be the body English of the profession. NP2BE... I say face her head on. Draw a line in the dirt. Going to the charge nurse, manager or your instructor puts someone else in charge of your life. Remember... most bullies are cowards underneath. Go make some history NP.

Can anyone spell S-A-F-E H-A-R-B-O-R ?