Still devastated after 4 years

I recently joined allnurses within the past month and everybody has so helpful in answering my questions. Now I really need some answers because this is something that is very personal and tragic for me too deal with but I need some clarity. Shortly after giving birth to my son in 2002, I began to feel "not good", this went on for a few days and eventually I decided to go to the ER. By the time I got there my heart was beating so fast my shirt was jumping off my chest, my BP was 200 something over 100 something Im not sure what it was. Needless to say I was taken to the back immediately and was basically told if I had not come in when I did, I probably would have had a heart attack or stroke. As a result of this, my BP was so high it blew out a nerve in my right eye, it took about a year or more to heal but that eye still has a "lazy" look about it. Also the right side of my body seems to have lost the sensation of touch, if that makes any sense, basically if you touch me I can feel it but if you were to rub my arm or something I dont feel that sensation ( does that make sense) anyway I have been to numerous doctors but still no diagnosis.. Is it possible that I had a stroke but it did not show up on the MRI of my brain?? Fastforward to 2004, I became pregnant but I made the heartwrenching decision to terminate the pregnancy becaus I honest to God believed I would die if I continued with the pregnancy because of what happened after I had my son. After the termination, I started to run a fever a few days later. I called the clinic but was told that the fever was not high enough for me to have an infection. The bottom line is that the fever went on daily for 4 months and no one could tell me what was wrong. My obgyn told me that their was nothing wrong with me(even though he did not run any test) and that I should see my primary care physician, he decided to do an ultrasound of my stomach, pelvis, kidneys, liver etc.. It was then discovered that I had a grapefruit size cyst that had possibly been ruptured some when I had the abortion. The end result was a total abdominal hysterectomy. Now almost four years later I am still devastated that I had the abortion in the first place and I think maybe the hysterectomy is my punishment for killing my baby but what I need to know is had a continued that pregnancy would that cyst eventually ruptured and possibly killed me while I was pregnant and who is the blame for not discovering it before it got to that point? Is it the abortion clinic, my obgyn? me? please help.....