Still devastated after 4 years

Nurses General Nursing

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I recently joined allnurses within the past month and everybody has so helpful in answering my questions. Now I really need some answers because this is something that is very personal and tragic for me too deal with but I need some clarity. Shortly after giving birth to my son in 2002, I began to feel "not good", this went on for a few days and eventually I decided to go to the ER. By the time I got there my heart was beating so fast my shirt was jumping off my chest, my BP was 200 something over 100 something Im not sure what it was. Needless to say I was taken to the back immediately and was basically told if I had not come in when I did, I probably would have had a heart attack or stroke. As a result of this, my BP was so high it blew out a nerve in my right eye, it took about a year or more to heal but that eye still has a "lazy" look about it. Also the right side of my body seems to have lost the sensation of touch, if that makes any sense, basically if you touch me I can feel it but if you were to rub my arm or something I dont feel that sensation ( does that make sense) anyway I have been to numerous doctors but still no diagnosis.. Is it possible that I had a stroke but it did not show up on the MRI of my brain?? Fastforward to 2004, I became pregnant but I made the heartwrenching decision to terminate the pregnancy becaus I honest to God believed I would die if I continued with the pregnancy because of what happened after I had my son. After the termination, I started to run a fever a few days later. I called the clinic but was told that the fever was not high enough for me to have an infection. The bottom line is that the fever went on daily for 4 months and no one could tell me what was wrong. My obgyn told me that their was nothing wrong with me(even though he did not run any test) and that I should see my primary care physician, he decided to do an ultrasound of my stomach, pelvis, kidneys, liver etc.. It was then discovered that I had a grapefruit size cyst that had possibly been ruptured some when I had the abortion. The end result was a total abdominal hysterectomy. Now almost four years later I am still devastated that I had the abortion in the first place and I think maybe the hysterectomy is my punishment for killing my baby but what I need to know is had a continued that pregnancy would that cyst eventually ruptured and possibly killed me while I was pregnant and who is the blame for not discovering it before it got to that point? Is it the abortion clinic, my obgyn? me? please help.....

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Condolences for you medical situation, but I'm thinking we can't really point out who's responsible for your situation because noone really knows and it'd violate the TOS.

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Specializes in Home Care, Hospice, OB.

my prayers are with you...

god does not "punish", he forgives....

please try to find a "project rachel" or other post-abortion support group where you can find some peace and learn to forgive yourself, as god already has..:redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

God Bless you in your time of grief. I can't speak to whom is to blame for your illness, but I do believe that it is more important that you heal than blame. The first part of healing is forgiving yourself. As a PP said, God knows your heart and has forgiven you. Talk to Him, and He'll lead the way to a safe place for you to heal. :)

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I am sorry for what happened to you. I don't know if you are religious or not but I dont believe God punishes. I would pray for help and understanding. My friend went through a similar situation when she was pregnant with triplets. The Dr. suggested she terminated one. After, she had so much guilt and depression. She turned back to her religion and it has turned her life around. Good luck

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I almost cried at your story.

However, I understand the predicament you were in.

My cousin was taking a medication (not sure what it was for), but it was a known agent for major, profound birth defects and she got pregnant while on birth control and did terminate the pregnancy...though she did want to have more children.

She never got pregnant after that.

God doesn't work that way...that is why horrible things happen to the most religiously devout....so I no more believe God didn't protect them any more than I believe that God punishes.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that God nor Jesus withheld love or forgiveness for anyone....that isn't the message Jesus spread.

You did the best you could under the circumstances you were given.

If you have ever seen an episode of "Mystery Diagnosis" it is amazing how many doctors one has to visit to get the RIGHT diagnosis...but all you have to do, is find that ONE doctor that doesn't think they know it all, that ONE doctor who is willing to do research, send emails to other experts, etc.

For you to be dismissed the way you were....NO healthcare professional should have done that.

When people think that something is wrong with them and have a measurable, verifyable symptom...you know your own body more than anyone else.

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Specializes in Education, FP, LNC, Forensics, ED, OB.

I am so sorry for what you've been through, kbswife. And, hope that you can seek counsel from the appropriate sources.

We at allnurses.com, however, cannot answer your questions for we cannot provide medical and/or legal advice.

We wish you well .......

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