Starting new NP job this week....this one's for mom...I hate cancer

[kyboyrn]

Hey everyone! It's been a long road. I haven't been a terribly frequent poster on this website, but I've posted off and on since 2004 I think...my first post was before I started nursing school. Anyway, it's been a long road, but in December I graduated NP school, took and passed boards in January of this year, and after getting privileges and going through the credentialing process at my facility of employment, I start my first NP job this week. I was an ER nurse, so I gravitated towards working in ER medicine. I had no problem finding a job. I actually had a couple different offers, and I took the one with less pay (but still GREAT pay compared to my nursing pay, and seems to be above average for new grads) because it was the same place I worked at as a nurse. Anyway, everybody wish me luck as I start this new journey. I'm excited about the increased pay and the financial security/freedom that will go along with it, but I'm most excited about the autonomy and actually being the one making the decisions, and writing the orders instead of doing them. For all of those that are FNPs that work in the emergency room, what do you like/dislike about it? For those that are just starting their NP journey, good luck!!! It is possible even if life throws curveballs your way. I started NP school a few years ago, and during that time, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I decided to take a hiatus from school, because it was just too much at the time, and I was a little burned out (my NP degree was my fifth), but after a year and a half break, I went back, and I went back full time to an 18 month program. During this time, my mother became very ill again. The week before my graduation, my best friend and biggest fan, my mother, had to be hospitalized related to complications dealing with her metastatic cancer that had now spread to her lung, so she was unable to make it to see me walk across stage. Although this was my 5th degree, I'd never walked across stage. I always said I would when I got my NP degree, and I did. Still, my mother was unable to go, and after that hospitalization, and one surgery later (a pleurodesis to alleviate the recurrent pleural effusions) she never recovered. Early January, my mother passed away. I loved her, and it broke my heart and I miss her everyday. Still, at the end of January, I took my boards and passed with flying colors. I did it for my mother, and I remember when I got back to town, with my little paper that said I passed, thinking normally, my mom would have been the first person I would have told that I passed, and the first person I would have called. Even at the age of 30, her approval, and her being proud always meant the most to me.

I'll never forget the night before my mother passed away, I think she knew she would be passing away soon. She gave me a hug, and told me that she loved me, and that she loved me more than anything, and she was so proud of me and all that I had done. She looked over at my girlfriend, and told her to take care of her baby (I'm the youngest of three sons). That was the last time I ever got to talk to her. I got the call at 4 am the next mornin that she had passed away. I HATE breast cancer. Anyway, as I start this new job in my new role this week, I hope to always take care of my patients the way that I wanted my mother to be taken care of. I'll always have a special place for the breast cancer patient, or cancer patient in general, and I hope to always, in practice and life, make my mother proud. good luck to everyone that starts the advanced practice journey. No matter what life throws at you, you can do it. Some will have it easier, some will have it harder (I really am highly impressed with those that work throughout school, and raise children and maintain families) but it is worth it in the end. Good luck everybody! For those that are NPs, thanks for paving the way and fighting so that nurses are respected as clinicians and healthcare providers.

Kyboyrn APRN, NP-C

Sorry about getting off on a tangent. I have dedicated my graduate education to my mother. Her encouragement, and the bravery and courage that she showed during her illness, and the faith she kept in God, will forever be a source of empowerment for me, and I'm sure the rest of my family and many others that her kind words and friendship have touched over the years. As one person that went to church with my mother, and knew her very well said after going to the funeral, "you don't have so many people that there's no where to sit in the church at a funeral by NOT being a wonderful person. You're mother touched a lot of people's lives. She was a wonderful person, she loved the Lord, and she will be missed my A LOT of people." :heartbeat

For anyone that is fighting or has a family member fighting cancer.........keep fighting. Not everyone wins the fight, unfortunately that isn't always God's will. Still, the fight that you put up may be what gives others hope to keep moving on......

[labbio]

(((HUGS)))) Good luck with your career. You will make a compassionate, competent NP.

[ghillbert, MSN, NP]

You made me cry - I was also doing my NP degree when my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I took a break from school to move in and care for her, and she died, oh, it's 8 months now, unbelievably. I just had my first birthday without her this weekend. I am so sad that she won't be around to see me graduate, I know she was so proud of me. Watching someone you love go through cancer treatment certainly changes your perspective on illness from the patient/family point of view.

Congratulations on achieving your goal, despite going through one of the most profound losses there is. It sounds like you will be a fantastic NP, good luck.

[kyboyrn]

Thanks guys. Ghillbert, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a parent, especially my mother who was my best friend and the one person I could always go to for 30 years, was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. It's only been a little over 6 weeks, and I miss her more every day. I always dreamed she'd be around to see me get married, and to see my children being born, but unfortunately those things never happened. She was around to see me succeed my goal fo becoming an NP and it meant so much for her to tell me how proud she was the day before she passed away. Like I mentioned, everytime I accomplish something, like pass boards, or get my certification in the mail, it's bittersweet right now, because she was always the first person I would have shown that stuff to, or called and talked to about stuff. Thankfully I have the most wonderful girlfriend in the world, who seems to be just as proud of me for my accomplishments. My father is wonderful too, but he misses mom more than me (they were happily married for 35 years-my father was 19 when he married my mom, and she was 31...I always said she was the original COUGAR!!! LOL). All of us miss her, my two brothers, my sister in laws, my girlfriend, my father, her grandchildren that were old enough to meet her, and all of her friends. She had four wonderful grandchildren, three girls that were old enough to know her, and then her first grandson. He was only 6 months old when she passed away, but he was her first grandson and he made her last days so much more happy. He makes all of our lives a lot happier. Anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent again. I know this isn't the reminisce about family members thread!! Anyway, I'm just glad to have such a wonderful family that has been so supportive of my educational goals, and thanks to my beautiful, wonderful mother that I lost much too soon, I feel that I will honestly be a much more compassionate, caring provider because of the way she raised me, her faith, and the ways that she taught me to love and respect all people, regardless of sex, faith, color, religion, ethnicity, race, etc.

[BCgradnurse, MSN, RN, NP]

Congrats on your new job! You have honored your mother with your love, hard work, and by keeping her memory alive. My mother was also diagnosed with cancer during my last semester of NP school-in her case, lung cancer. I was ready to drop out to care for her, but she threatened me that she wouldn't go for treatment if I did! Fortunately, she had a very good outcome, and was able to attend my graduation. We were so lucky.

You are going to be an amazing NP...your patients will be lucky to have you care for them!

[kyboyrn]

Thanks Bcgradnurse! Your kind words mean a lot. When I went back to school full time, during my last 2 semesters I rented my house out and stayed with my parents because I wasn't getting to work much or any at all because of how much we had to squeeze into our 18 month program clinical and class wise. It was kind of a bummer at first, to have to stay with my parents at 29, but not being married yet, and not having any children, it wasn't a big deal, and it actually turned out to be a blessing because this was my mother's last days, and I got to spend so much time with my mother that I wouldn't have gotten to, and I thank God now that I made that decision. She was not only a source of encouragement, but now that she's gone I wouldn't trade that year that I got to spend being with her for anything in the world. My mother was the same way. The second time she got sick, she told me not to withdraw this time, and to finish, because my future depended on it, and she wasn't going to be around much longer. I'm so glad to hear that your mother had a good outcome. sometimes God puts trials in our way, and sometimes it's in his plan for people to come through the fight, and other times it's just people's time. It was my mother's time. Thankfully, she didn't have to suffer, or linger on in pain for months and months. She died peacefully in her sleep with her loving husband, children, and grandchildren close by. I really believe God rewarded her for her faithfulness, and I know that I'll see her again someday. Even though I can no longer call her and tell her about my latest accomplishment, or show her my certification, or tell her about my new job, I truly believe that she can see all the good stuff up in heaven, and I know she's watching over me and she's proud of me....she was a wonderful person and I know that she would have me to be the most caring, compassionate provider that I can be.

[LorynRN]

i'm reading this right after mother's day..and i hope yours went well. know your mom is watching over you and so proud of your accomplishments!

there is nothing more special than the relationship we have with our mothers!!!

hope your er job is going well!

[CCRNDiva, BSN, RN]

Congratulations on your achievement!! I'm sure your mom is very proud of you. It is quite evident she was good mom who raised a good son.

[Spoiled1, MSN, RN]

Congratulations! This made me cry, but I am proud of you and I know your mother is too! My mom was diagnosed with Cancer, but by the grace of God they were able to remove all the cancer with surgery. No chemo or radiation. Keep up the good work and keep making your mama proud!