Starting CNA clinicals, and now I am unsure if I want to continue on this path.

[djksjdalksjf]

I began my pre reqs last spring. After having my daughter, I began to dream of becoming a labor and delivery nurse. After her time spent in the hospital, I even considered pediatrics. I truly felt I would be able to make the difference.

This fall I decided to take my colleges CNA course since it adds extra points to our nursing program application and my school is very competitive.

I LOVED the course. I took it so very seriously. Lab days were so much fun for me, I felt confident going through skills, I have the highest grade in the class so far. I felt passionate about what I was doing and I felt like I had made a good choice in the nursing profession.

But we had our first day of clinicals today.

It was sad. I WANTED to help and I WANTED to care, but I found myself unable to connect, and in turn I felt extreme guilt. I wanted to drop out of the class and never come back. It's not WHAT I was doing that bothered me, it was how I felt doing it. I didn't feel like I was going to be able to make a difference in the residents care, I didn't feel like I was going to be able to make any of them happy or feel a connection with them. Some of my fellow students would make comments like Oh so and so is so funny, I like him so much. Such a sweet man. Etc.

Meanwhile, I was feeding a resident and she became angry with me. I don't blame her at all, I blame myself. I didn't do anything actually wrong, but still.

Does anyone know what I mean? I can't even find the words to describe how I'm feeling. Awkward?

[MissMo15]

I am kinda sad that this post had over 200 views and no one commented yet. My advice to you is try not to let one day set the tone for the rest of your journey. We all have our bad days, and there will always be patients that are harder to connect with. And geri care may not be your thing, and that's completely fine too. Keep your head up, and treat every day as a new opportunity.

[Orion81RN]

I agree with PP. I remember I felt awkward in CNA clinicals. But after working as a CNA and nurse, I connect very well with my patients now. It may just take some time, or Geriatrics just may not be for you. Again like PP said, that is completely ok too.

[midwifemae]

Long-term care is so vastly different than other CNA positions. My clinicals were not fun either and I really question myself as well, however, the more you learn about actually being a nurse, the more fun and interesting it becomes. You do have to get through the bare bones stuff first tho, like bed changes, toileting, feeding and grooming. ADLs are important even in the hospital setting. Good luck and hang in there. It does get better.

[Wannabenurseneko]

I can relate to this my first day of clinical I wanted to run out of the nursing home in fact most of the women felt that way , I in fact hated clinicals and was terrified when I went there for a month until we got to the hospital clinical I felt like I never did enough to care for the residents I tried but I was so scared of the patients , You are not the only person that felt this way and you surely won't be the last . You also have to remember geriatrics is not for everyone and just because you don't like it or you aren't good a it doesn't mean you'll be a bad nurse , think more about your destination you want to be a labor a delivery nurse , even if you're not good at doing CNA clinicals you have to remember you are just a beginner so of course you'll make mistakes remember that you are there to learn

[djksjdalksjf]

Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate your kind words. Funny enough, after two weeks of clinicals halfway through I'm starting to become a lot more comfortable with residents and confident in myself. I actually enjoy doing this. Although I definitely cannot see myself doing it for the rest of my life and definitely still want to do L&D or peds.

[guest988600]

I felt this way after my first day of CNA clinical too, I kept thinking is this what I want to do?!? I remember back to when I first started working in a group home and for my first three weeks I had felt the same way, after three years of doing it I decided to go to nursing school. Don't let the fear consume you, give yourself time to adjust and then you will know if it's a good fit.

[heynurse1996]

First day clinical jitters! Here is the main thing we learned in nursing school regarding pt./caregiver relationships empathy vs sympathy.

It will get better, once your out of your own head worried about skills/ the new environment and all it will be better I promise. Stick it out. You are not a bad person for feeling that way. :)