Starting BSN next month... having serious doubts... advice?

[Lools]

I also posted this in Student section Want some advice from actual nurses too....

Hello Everyone,

This is the first time I'm posting on allnurses.com although I have been stalking the website for over a year.

Please bear with me, this is long, but I am at a major fork in my road and need some advice....

Here is my dilemma. I am 29 years old, married for 2 years, no children yet. I have been pursuing nursing for about 5 years, took time off to get married and move, but basically I have been taking pre-reqs for that long. My mom is a RN and I grew up never wanting to become a nurse because I saw how burned out she was, although to this day, after 35 years in nursing, she still loves her field. She looks at it as a call to service which is totally is.

I am done with my prereqs and about to start a BSN program next month, embarking on a 2 year journey through the hell that is nursing school. I'm more scared than excited. I am also at the time of my life where I would like to begin having children - if it wasn't for nursing school we'd probably start trying next spring. I don't want to be just graduating from nursing school at 31-32 years old and having my first child then. But I also don't want to look back years from now and regret not finishing nursing school. My goal is/was to become a school nurse. (ps, I am a Licensed Massage Therapist, but no longer practice due to tendonitis)

I am a very compassionate person, I love people, I love helping people, I think people are fascinating. I am a lighthearted person and I think I have a great sense of humor - which I think you need to have to be a nurse! I started working in health care at 18 yrs old, taking care of severely handicapped adults, and also worked in mental health as a nurse assistant (not as a CNA) for about 3 years in my early 20s. I have been pooped on, puked on, hair pulled, smacked, etc. As I found myself working in health care in my early twenties I started to think I should just become a nurse. While I loved taking care of people and I loved the rewarding feeling I had when I would walk into a patient's room and they would say to me, "oh thank God it's you!", I am having doubts that this profession is 100% for me now that I am on the cusp of nursing school.

Admittedly, I've gotten kind of spoiled over the past 4-5 years I've been out of the health care field and in cushy office jobs. I also don't want to go to school, take out $40k in loans, and then have to be paying back those loans while having kids and staying home with them. I think I might like the idea of being a nurse more than the actual day-to-day reality.

I presently have a great part time job with a local teachers' union, although it is a little lonely at times as I am by myself in the office most days and I can't say that I get a rewarding feeling from this job like I did when I took care of people. It is low stress and I have all the same holidays and breaks as the teachers in the public school system which is great. I can keep this job through nursing school, but will have to cut back on some hours because of clinical and my employer is talking about hiring someone to come in on the day I have clinical... which makes me a little nervous.

Anyway, I'm having a hard time committing to a decision right now and am very conflicted. I've been back and forth about it since early this year, while on the waiting list before I even knew I was officially in the program. I know can do it and be good at it in many ways. I admire nurses immensely and think that those who truly love what they do are amazing and I love the aspect helping people and making a difference.

I worry that I don't have the toughness or thick enough skin for what a lot of the job entails. I don't mean the excrement side of it. What I mean is that I don't multi-task all that great and I tend to wither under stress. I'm also not good at making crucial decisions (as you can tell from this post! ) and the idea of having someone's life in my hands is petrifying! I'm about to spend at least $40k and 2 years of hell in the BSN program and I'm going into it full of doubt and not 110% sure that it's what I want to do. I have been blessed in that my husband makes enough $ that I won't have to work when we have children and will be able to be a stay at home mom, which is what both my hubby and I want. But because of our income, I don't receive financial aid of any kind so school is all out of pocket.

I've been dragging my feet about making a decision for months because I've already put so much time, effort and money into the pre-reqs. I've been praying a lightning bolt comes down from heaven and tells me what to do!

I love people. I want to make a difference. But I'm so conflicted. Any advice or even just prayers would help greatly! You may be able to read between the lines and see something I don't! Thanks!!

[Mommy2NQ]

I really think you should go for it! You have spent the time taking your pre req and you have experience in the health field. You will do great. Keep focused and if you end up having a baby along the way that is fine...im sure you wont be the first person to need a semester off due to pregnancy. I start nursing school next month and I can relate how exciting and nerve-wracking it is. In my opinion we are lucky to be starting soon... there are many who want to start but are on wait lists...now is not the time to give up that dream!

[Lools]

Thanks so much for your encouraging response! I really appreciate it! Good luck in school!!

[Epona]

This is just my opinion and others may differ. Going to RN school and being an RN is a life altering experience. I owe thousands in loans. Due to this, I cannot afford children right now, and probably not for a while (I am married). Going to RN school was my life's decision. I will pay dearly for it for many years to come. So really know your financial situation and be sure you can afford all you want. The 40K may turn into more in the end... it did for me.

Also, you said you are not a take-charge type of person. In my opinion, you HAVE to be a take-charge type of person to work as an RN. You will make life and death decisions at times and measure up meds., etc. that could possibly kill someone. You will be around deadly illness, and so forth. Nursing is not for the weak at heart. Take a GOOD HARD LOOK at yourself to see if you can jump in and run with it.

Getting my BSN was a FULL TIME job for me. I studied typically 8 hours a day outside of class. I had no time really for anything BUT school. I can recall my hubby watching TV one night and I thought to myself 'my... when was the last time I watched TV??? Two months ago, maybe??' I did end up graduating in the top of my class, Magna Cum Laude, but I worked my tail off for it. We started our BSN program out with about 50 students and in the end, around 15 walked across the stage as graduates.

Only you know yourself, but this is a life changing journey and will require, time, energy, money, guts and determination. Good luck in your decision.

[ukstudent]

I am going to give you the opposite advice. It sounds as if you may or may not want to be a nurse. However, you do want to be a stay at home mom sooner rather than later. If you go to school now, that is 2 years. Then you might as well as through it away if you don't start working as a nurse after getting your license. In order to have enough experence that you would be able to go back to nursing after taking time off for your babies you will need to have a minimum of at least a year. To be safe, as you never know what could happen, that means not even trying to get pregnant for another 3-4 years.

Choice 1 - go to school, spend $40,000, take someones place that really wants to be a nurse, put off having children, only work a short time and then stop working.

Choice 2 - have your babies now, stay home with them. Go to school if you still feel like it when your children are also in school.

I will say that I am bias, as I chose number 2 for myself and my children.

[ruralgirl08]

Hi there,

That is a hard dilemma...both have pros and cons. I won't jump into anything, unless you feel inside, comfortable with the decision. Sometimes you need to follow your gut. Do you know a school nurse you could shadow for a day or talk to? What are your job prospects after? If you can't get a school nurse job right off the get go...you might be working shift work, 12hr shifts, holidays, ect, are you ok with that? You may have difficulty finding a steady job at first...with the economy. Also your schedule sounds pretty nice right now, especially if you had little ones.

If it is something you are really going to regret, you should go for it, otherwise, you may continue to regret it. But if you are having doubts, you need to explore why. I think an answer will "fall from the heavens," but you need to do some more research on your own, to make a better informed decision.

I think nursing changes you, you need to be able to set a lot boundaries with people, take leadership if need be, and be assertive. If you don't have all of it now, you will need to develop it over time. You are in a good position if you wanted to go back to school, since your husband is able to support the family on his own. If you decided to do it, you could plan to work on starting a family in your last year of nursing, graduate, and return to a new job when your ready to, after a baby. But you need to find out, if you really want to be a nurse, that is the issue.

[Lools]

Epona, ukstudent and ruralgirl08.... fantastic points and advice, thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

I am leaning toward ukstudent's choice #2, especially since hubby and I had a serious conversation about it last night and I realized that he really doesn't want to wait that long to have our first child. If it weren't for school he would want to start trying now. ukstudent - you pointed out the 2 choices that my hubby and I have been deliberating over. Our deliberation has been exactly what you stated. It's almost like you've been listening to our conversations!

Epona - You pointed out the stress and work of school...I really don't feel ready for all that right now. Hearing someone from the outside (you) confirm that reality really helped. I certainly don't have rose colored glasses when it comes to the realities of nursing school. I just spoke to a classmate who is about to start her second year of nursing school at my college, she and I were Chem lab partners. She told me, and I know, that I will need to hit the ground running once it starts. I don't feel ready to do that and make the sacrifices necessary for school... missing out on spending time with my new nephew, my family, traveling, getting pregnant, etc. etc. It may sound selfish, and maybe I still am in a selfish phase of life, but that is the reality.

Ruralgirl - I agree that since I am having these doubts I need to explore why. Jumping into nursing school next month, full of these doubts, won't be getting me off the right foot.

If I knew I was called to nursing, I don't think it would be such a dilemma. I really think I am 99% ready to make a decision on this. Thank you all so much! :tku:

[Lools]

also.... someone pointed out that I would be taking a coveted spot in nursing school away from someone who really wants to go... I would hate to go into this half-heartedly and end up dropping out, when someone who really desires to be a nurse could have had my spot. I would feel really bad about that.

[GaMBA]

You say your goal is to become a nurse. You've spent 5 years working on prereqs and are now in an ideal position to start school. I don't understand why you wouldn't. You say this is what you want to do. I can assure you that school--any kind--but probably especially nursing school--will be easier without kids. If you wait and do nursing school later, you may end up having to retake prereqs, or you may end up never going back period. Postponing school until you have kids is clearly an option but it would just delay your dream of becoming a nurse. Maybe try to get into an accelerated program and be done with school within a year or so, then start trying for a family while you're getting experience in the real world with a nursing job. 31-32 is a great age to start having kids. Plus, you'll have already fulfilled one of your dreams (becoming a nurse) and can devote more time and effort to your other goal, becoming a mom. Trust me, life changes after you have kids! Also, not to put a downer on anything, but should adverse things happen with your marriage (before or after kids), at least you'll have a strong career to rely on to take care of yourself.