My wife has been an er nurse for about a year now. In the last two months, she has changed quite a bit. She has returned to smoking cigarettes, and all she seems to want to do is go out drinking with the other people she works with. This has caused quite a bit of friction between us. (I will not go through the whole story unless someone needs more info to advise me better.) Does anyone have any suggestions on where I can find some advice on how to support her in her stressful job better so she does not continue to seek out these unhealthly ways of managing her stress.
Could not have been better put than that Allamericangirl!
You have a husband as great as mine!! Good for you two. These kinds of relationships just work! It is also great that you are able to communicate and let him know when you are stressed
wow, that is too bad to hear. sometimes we just conform to our environment. im sure the women that your wife clicked with are smokers and that makes it so easy to get back into a bad habit. i hate to hear about a nurse that smokes. i know we are not perfect, but imagine your endocrinologist with uncontrolled diabetes. well, just be supportive instead of corrective. let her know that you are worried and concerned, as well as do not approve of some of the things she is doing. a marriage is a compromise and no matter how stressed she is, she still needs to keep her family happy and not worried. hopefully she is just going through a little something that will pass. i could really get a better feel for all that she is doing if i knew her age. dont want to offend any one but here is a little dr. phil- if she is not 26 or older this may be a simple phase. if she has always seemed a bit irresponsible and she is 26 or older then it may be the true her coming out again with her wild group of girls. depending on her age- no woman over 25, married should be drinking with her co-workers more than twice in a month.
or it could be you, she might feel that you are trying to control her and she has always wanted to smoke again and didnt for you- rather than for herself and finds comfort in non judgemental friends that understand her stress. be supportive and she will come around at her own pace and time.
good luck
i really don't mean to offend anyone but dr. phil annoys the he** out of me!
maybe, this is just a thought...is there tension from another source outside work that you have not considered...just assumed it was the influence of the coworkers?
Well I just began my ER career and love it. But it ended a year long relationship, I had been dating a fireman/EMT, and when I said I was going to work in the ER ( he knew it was my dream job). He said that all ER nurses are bitches and he was not going ot put up with me being one. Well I am in the ER and he is alone!!! And I have yet to meet a ***** in my ER!!!!! Jen :)
Well I just began my ER career and love it. But it ended a year long relationship, I had been dating a fireman/EMT, and when I said I was going to work in the ER ( he knew it was my dream job). He said that all ER nurses are bitches and he was not going ot put up with me being one. Well I am in the ER and he is alone!!! And I have yet to meet a ***** in my ER!!!!! Jen :)
Jennie, funny you should say that...My significant other is a paramedic...and he actually had a similar view on most ER nurses...not all of them..but most...probably as much as some ER nurses feel about medics and so forth...Fortunately for me, my S.O. isn't so shallow and allowed himself to look past what his generalized feelings for nurses were and we have a great relationship...we both learn from each other...He actually has a new found respect for ER nurses, and although there will always be some sort of small rift between the ER and pre-hospital...and we always kid back and forth who actually works harder and who is smarter and who is better at their job...its just that kidding...and to be honest with you...I couldn't believe some of the stories that he told me at first about how he was treated like dirt by some nurses...that is until I did my pre-hospital ride time...and boy he was right....the dirty looks, the attitude it was endless...not from everyone, but it was definitely there..so you can see how it could skew your opinion...I had this one ER nurse give me such an attitude like she was better than me when I brought an acute MI in on the ambulance...funny how her tune changed when she found out I have been a nurse for 10 years and an ER nurse for 6...she's only been a nurse for 4 and in the ER for 2...so anyway...enough of my tangent...sounds like you are way better off without that shallow creep anyway...there is plenty of other fish in the sea...Good luck with your career!!!
Yeah, I agree Penny-Its just that he didnt give any info for us to really go on, so my thing was-if she went from not going out to drink at all-to drinking with her girlfriends all the time-somebody that is a responsible woman needs to kind of give him an ideal of what is a drastic change. He could be so used to her not going out at all that he thinks her leaving every other saturday night is extreme. Which I dont think at all. Point is, he could be over-exaggerating his wife's going out and "drinking all the time" becuz he sees too much change in such short time. I get out too, wish it was a little more often than what it is:) There need not be a limit, I think it starts to become an issue when it is extreme or different than the norm, or with a bunch of single women, or interfering with the couples' plans.
Agreed. We do need some more to go on from the OP. It becomes a problem if the couple isn't spending as much time together, and one feels neglected, or if they aren't communicating and being honest with each other any more. Personally I know my boyfriend fully supports me going out occasionally with friends because he knows it allows me to connect with my friends, who are important to me, and also he wants me to have a life outside of our relationship. It's healthy that way, at least for us. Granted, 9/10 times it's us going out as a couple alone or with friends, but I like knowing I'm not "tied" to him and I can make my own choices. I just had a little bit of beef with the "no more than 2 times a month" advice. But I completely agree with your last post.
But if I went out drinking with all those cute young nurses I work with my wife would kill me.
If I dont spend time with my wife and give her attention she would kill me
For the life of me, while I may like the people I work with. When away from work, I cant even imagine spending time with my coworkers.
I would say talk to your wife
Cook her romantic meals
buy her Jewelry
Buy her flowers
Make her happy anyway she wants it
And after 30 yrs of marriage, I know in any relationship, that the man is always wrong no matter what. My wife told me so
I've only been married for 9 years but I agree with you. You need to help her with the stress anyway you can. Show her how pround you are and how much you love her. My wife knows if I come home and talk about anything other than maybe the nurses I work with that something is bothering me. I agree with whoever said it is not one trauma that does it. It's all of the little stuff that adds up. I know my wife had a hard time with it the first time I said she really couldn't understand. I told her until she had told a momma her baby was dead or a daddy that his beautiful 16 yr old princess was dead she couldn't understand. Now she knows that and encourages me to talk to one of my nurse friends or even sometimes sends one my way. All you can do is be supportive and talk. And just remember not everybody was ment to be a ED nurse
2bRn-STAT
53 Posts
Could not have been better put than that Allamericangirl!
You have a husband as great as mine!! Good for you two. These kinds of relationships just work! It is also great that you are able to communicate and let him know when you are stressed