i'm new to allnurses, although i've been browsing threads for a few months. you all have provided some insightful views and great resources. for these reasons, i want to lay out an ongoing 'predicament' and hopefully gain different perspectives.
i am 24 years old. spent 5 yrs as an emt-b, completed nursing school and was accepted into a nursing excellence program (approx. 6 to 8 months of training in a critical care area.) of course, my real passion was er, but i listened to my don at the time who insisted i needed to develop my nursing skills and icu would be perfect.
here is the 'predicament': (yes, against my better judgment) i began dating someone who worked in the same unit (icu), only on weekend night shift. now, i'm the quiet, i-don't-know-enough-to-be-doing-this type. (wasn't always like that, of course, i learned that over the yrs in ems. the farther i go, the less i know!)
now i struggled a lot to go from ems thinking to icu nursing thinking, but nearly everyone was encouraging. except i started to hear negative things from my significant other. she would tell me how 'no one likes you,' 'everyone hates taking patients from you,' 'you're just not an icu nurse,' etc.
i was devastated. i've never had something i was an utter failure at. all along, i thought it was all me. this started around oct/nov. my program had started in august.
over the past month, i've noticed that i don't hear negative from anywhere else. she says the things she's saying come from her night crew-and not her. i've spoken with my manager (she is one of the rare, great ones whom i have trust and loyalty for) and she said that last week one of the weekender night shift nurses had come to her saying how well i'm doing and how much improved i am. (before that a nurse of 30+ yrs had called her from home to brag about how well i did one day, and this is a nurse i highly respect and hope to be half as good as one day.)
in the past 7 yrs, i don't think my confidence has ever been this low. my best friend told me the other day, "you haven't been positive in months, you've been a debbie downer, negative nancy, the only time i've heard you happy was when you called a few weeks ago and you'd signed your lease for your new place. and that's just not who you are."
i love the people i work with in icu, i'm just not crazy about the job. i start in the er night shift on april 5th. this is where i've wanted to be. (my manager who is now over er and icu offered me a job, twice. and i was offered a job at a facility in our corporation that sees about 10,000 more patients a year than ours. if i really am *that* bad, why would i still be here and why would i have these job offers?)
my ex has been in several abusive relationships before. this is not meant as an excuse for any behavior. she would often accuse me of 'not making up your mind or knowing what you want', 'not being happy with yourself' and 'nothing is ever your fault' etc. after thinking about this for a while, these are traits and behaviors i've seen in *her.*
ok, so, over the past month i've come to a tentative conclusion: i entered into a relationship that quickly became verbally and emotionally abusive and allowed it to go on. i allowed her to play on my insecurities to her benefit.
i am very excited about finally getting to er, but my trepidation is overshadowing it. what is your perspective on this situation, and can i regain my confidence and perform well (as well as possible) in the er?
i'm new to allnurses, although i've been browsing threads for a few months. you all have provided some insightful views and great resources. for these reasons, i want to lay out an ongoing 'predicament' and hopefully gain different perspectives.
i am 24 years old. spent 5 yrs as an emt-b, completed nursing school and was accepted into a nursing excellence program (approx. 6 to 8 months of training in a critical care area.) of course, my real passion was er, but i listened to my don at the time who insisted i needed to develop my nursing skills and icu would be perfect.
here is the 'predicament': (yes, against my better judgment) i began dating someone who worked in the same unit (icu), only on weekend night shift. now, i'm the quiet, i-don't-know-enough-to-be-doing-this type. (wasn't always like that, of course, i learned that over the yrs in ems. the farther i go, the less i know!)
now i struggled a lot to go from ems thinking to icu nursing thinking, but nearly everyone was encouraging. except i started to hear negative things from my significant other. she would tell me how 'no one likes you,' 'everyone hates taking patients from you,' 'you're just not an icu nurse,' etc.
i was devastated. i've never had something i was an utter failure at. all along, i thought it was all me. this started around oct/nov. my program had started in august.
over the past month, i've noticed that i don't hear negative from anywhere else. she says the things she's saying come from her night crew-and not her. i've spoken with my manager (she is one of the rare, great ones whom i have trust and loyalty for) and she said that last week one of the weekender night shift nurses had come to her saying how well i'm doing and how much improved i am. (before that a nurse of 30+ yrs had called her from home to brag about how well i did one day, and this is a nurse i highly respect and hope to be half as good as one day.)
in the past 7 yrs, i don't think my confidence has ever been this low. my best friend told me the other day, "you haven't been positive in months, you've been a debbie downer, negative nancy, the only time i've heard you happy was when you called a few weeks ago and you'd signed your lease for your new place. and that's just not who you are."
i love the people i work with in icu, i'm just not crazy about the job. i start in the er night shift on april 5th. this is where i've wanted to be. (my manager who is now over er and icu offered me a job, twice. and i was offered a job at a facility in our corporation that sees about 10,000 more patients a year than ours. if i really am *that* bad, why would i still be here and why would i have these job offers?)
my ex has been in several abusive relationships before. this is not meant as an excuse for any behavior. she would often accuse me of 'not making up your mind or knowing what you want', 'not being happy with yourself' and 'nothing is ever your fault' etc. after thinking about this for a while, these are traits and behaviors i've seen in *her.*
ok, so, over the past month i've come to a tentative conclusion: i entered into a relationship that quickly became verbally and emotionally abusive and allowed it to go on. i allowed her to play on my insecurities to her benefit.
i am very excited about finally getting to er, but my trepidation is overshadowing it. what is your perspective on this situation, and can i regain my confidence and perform well (as well as possible) in the er?
thank you for your time and consideration.
get rid of the gf and all the baggage - never look back. have fun in the ed, focus on your skills, learning and improving. don't look over your shoulder. find those nurses that are excellent and supportive. you'll be fine. believe in yourself, know your weaknesses and improve.
Use your new job to start with a clean slate. Be excited (I can tell that you already are). Show them what a good nurse you can be - even when times get rough - and they will. You have a whole new group of co-workers now who can support you, provide you with advice so that you can become the best that you can be. And, all the advice about making a clean break from your Ex is true - you cannot move forward without discarding the past. Good luck on your new job!:redbeathe
MassED, BSN, RN
2,636 Posts
get rid of the gf and all the baggage - never look back. have fun in the ed, focus on your skills, learning and improving. don't look over your shoulder. find those nurses that are excellent and supportive. you'll be fine. believe in yourself, know your weaknesses and improve.