I need some advice. I'm to apply to lpn clinicals here in another week or so. I have an excellent chance of getting accepted. Problem is what's going on at home. Husband says he supports me, blah, blah, blah. We've talked about me not working while in clinicals (which are one year straight through). We've talked about the time commitment I need to make to studying, etc. Him picking up slack around the house. He was all on board for it.
But now that it is here, I'm really doubting myself. He has a drinking problem. Not your "typical" drunk, he holds a steady job, etc. But drinks most nights. And I believe him to be an alcoholic. Sometimes he drinks until he passes out, sometimes not. He can and has gotten verbally abusive. He's been this way for over 10 years, will not change, doesn't believe he has a problem. I have two girls 9 and 7. They are now old enough and are seeing his behavior and questioning it more and more. I'm very honest with them.
My problem is this, I don't trust him to pick up the slack around the house (he never has before so why start now) even though he says he will. He's already complaining about some of the clinical sites I'll have to drive to (pretty far away, 1 - 1.5 hours from home). Already complaining about having to take the kids to other functions, girl scouts, etc. And he's starting to complain about the fact that you don't get paid for clinicals. He went through a trade school apprenticeship and he got paid, why shouldn't I, over and over. I haven't even applied and been accepted and he's already bitching!!!!
I've only been working sporadic transcription - not a lot of bring home money. But I now have the opportunity to work for a company making really good money transcribing for them. I'm thinking about just holding off on lpn clinicals for now and saving my money to leave this jerk. I plan on continuing with my classes for RN. The local community college does offer a part-time clinical portion for rn. Takes two years, but hey, whatever.
I guess I just need some outside advice at this point.
I will pray for your husband, you and your family and ask God to work the situation out to the best for you and the whole family. I am sorry that you are having a hard time and I hope that I have not offened you with talking about praying and God. I never want to overstep boundaries.
You did not offend me, I may not subscribe to someone's religious background, but I believe all prayer no matter what faith is a good thing! Thanks.
My thoughts on it is to stay in school. The reason is b/c you never know what tomorrow may hold. Like someone said above "in sickness and health" I believe this too, until someone is being hurt in a way that it is making he or she live in an unsafe enviroment, especially w/ children. Alcoholism gets worse on its own not better on its own. Five years from now, he could become so abusive your are in danger. W/o education the job market is scarce and you most likely wouldn't have the ex there supporting his children.
Us mothers have to have a plan B, and you know this. My husband and I went through a very rocky time recently where I wasn't sure I was going to stay or not. I was sitting on the porch thinking of what I could do and the only thing I could come up with was to go back to school, (welcome nursing, lol) and keep me and my kids protected. Lives change, beliefs change, people change.
Luckily, my hubs and I have weathered our storm and are very happy, but I do not forget-
You can make it through this. As far as picking up the slack, if his work clothes don't get washed, then he will just stink at work that day. His problem, not yours. If the fam is living off frozen pizza for the year, just throw in a can of corn every now and then. It is a year, not a life sentence. So hang in there!
I too believe in "in sickness and health". So I'm not taking this capriously. What hurts is that I've had some health problems the last year and he has totally blown me off to deal with them on my own. If not for my sister, I don't know what I'd do.
I'm going to keep on going to school and saving my money for my plan B. We had a little row today about his pissy attitude.
I'm not in any physical danger, it's just the emotional and mental bs that gets to be too much.
You are such a good soul, honest to god, that comes through loud and clear in your posts. I really like your plan B. You are clearly putting your children's well-being as a top priority. You obviously have done what you need to do to take care of yourself through alanon and therapy and a strong relationship with your sister. You have already started classes for your nursing career, for a couple years!! I think you are amazing and really have your head on straight! I really like that you will go directly for your RN. My sense is that you and your kids will be fine. I wish you well with doing what you need to do to get through the next part of your life. You are going to make a terrific nurse!!!
JBGC...you are so funny you just described my life with the unwashed clothes and the can of corn...your too funny.
When hubby is working out of town and I was full time outside the home, the girls would get frozen pizza and some canned green beans on the side with a Flinstones chewable for dessert!!!! They couldn't have been happier! Then we did the hamper dive for clothes to wash for the week!
Thanks everyone. Your support and advice means a great deal to me. I'm going to keep on keeping on.
I think your going to be great nurse, and I bet your a great mom. Growing up I had to deal with my parents who had some problems. It wasn't alcohol, but just two people who should have never got married. What I witnessed was Dad demanding, demeaning, ordering etc while he did nothing. Mom would get angry and scream, yell etc back and then get up and do whatever it was he had wanted in the first place.
If your not afraid he will physically become violent then just do your thing as best you can without his support. I am currently doing the kids, school pretty much alone in that regard. My parents help out a little, but it can be done. If you can't do everything perfect then so be it the world wont end. If he starts demanding you cook his meal or clean his house don't argue with him just walk away. He will stop eventually regardless of if you get involved or not. I always wondered why mom didn't do that. It was if they were pushing each other buttons, the same buttons and having the same fights over and over again. Being little I often wondered if I would be a better little girl maybe they wouldn't fight, or If I just would have done that or not done this somehow it was all my fault. I remember wishing they would get divorced as a preteen. So all the fighting is not good for the kids just walk away from the fight and ignore him when he gets like that.
As much as I hate to say it, I can see the road ahead will be rocky. But we will survive. My entire family is behind me (as is his). He seems to be the only one who doesn't realize he has a problem. I only hope he sees that he needs help before it's too late.
sweetbeet
54 Posts
You did not offend me, I may not subscribe to someone's religious background, but I believe all prayer no matter what faith is a good thing! Thanks.