Recently I read an article about serotonin deficiency and noticed that I've experienced about 90% of the symptoms in every stage of deficiency (including the one in which the "garbage truck" arrives, meaning that loved ones tell you that you're a burden to those around you and bring everybody down). These symptoms have been a part of my life for at least a decade and seem to flare up around PMS week and maybe even a week before.
I've suspected for years that I have a problem with depression, or possibly PMDD, and have tried to ignore it. But my family members have begged me to please go to a doctor and get some help, maybe get on a low-dose antidepressant.
Now, I'm open to seeing a doctor (once I get health insurance), but I'm torn about this. For one thing, I realize that a lot of people in my life may NOT be supportive of my decision. I go to a church that is very much against psychology and I'm afraid of being scolded, judged, or rejected if I choose this route. People might never look at me the same way again, or they might view me as having a weak or unstable personality (especially those with a "pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps" mentality). There's still a stigma attached to mental illness and this could affect me negatively in the future if I'm diagnosed. But if I choose not to deal with this...it could ruin my life anyway.
For now, I'm using a chart to monitor my symptoms in case I do finally see a doctor. As an adult, I need to make my own decision, but how do I deal with other people's reactions or prejudices?
