Self Realization: Coming to terms that it may be time to move on.

[BumbleBuddy]

I've had about 6 days off of work and it's the first time since I've began this job that I took time to enjoy myself or respect my free time without counting down the days until I work again. I cleaned my house, made multiple dinners for my love, hung out with close friends, did some unnecessary yet therapeutic shopping, drank multiple cocktails while watching trashy TV and spent time with the puppy. This free time also lead to a lot of contemplation and reevaluation of what I'm doing with my life.

I was originally going to post this on the "What I learned this week" topic, but it turned out lengthier than I expected. So this is what I learned:

I learned I care too much about a job that doesn't really care about me. It was my first nursing job and I've been here for two years (med-surg & step down). I'm one of the very few left who originally started when I did. I feel like I've dedicated a lot of time and have been loyal here, but there's no real opportunity for growth or any loyalty/respect returned to me. So why have I stayed at this job that I feel doesn't respect me or open any doors for my future?

I guess the answer lies within comfort and fear. I'm comfortable here and in a routine. I remember when I learned new things everyday and could see the value of working on such a generalized medical floor, but now the learning is happening less often. I know the patient population and I know how to handle the majority of situations that arise. It's a routine, it's familiar, it's comforting, but it's not very fulfilling. The fear is of change, leaving this routine to start something new, something unfamiliar. What if I fail? What if I'm not a "fit" and they get rid of me like so many others have experienced? How would I pay my mortgage? My car note? What if this the new job makes me miserable? What if?

I guess these are thoughts that cross all of our minds when we think about changing jobs. I'm not really sure where to go from here, but I know I need something different. A job that won't stress me to the point of being ill, keep my mind occupied on work even on my days off, and counting down days until I return to work instead of enjoying the off days. I see myself becoming resentful and I don't like it. I'm not happy and no one can change that except for me. It's time to move on.

[AceOfHearts<3]

I hope you find your peace. I understand perfectly how you feel, as ironically that's how I felt with my career before I changed to nursing. I had made it through the hardest time period for my career and I was good at it. People thought I would work my way up and end up running my unit eventually. I was happy with all aspects of my life except my job, but the stress was so pervasive and eventually got to be too much. My close friends and family saw a very big difference immediately after I made the decision to quit- it was such a weight off my shoulders. Some people thought I was crazy to leave a great paying job with amazing benefits, but I knew in my heart that the stress would eventually kill me if I stayed.

Sending you my best wishes! Good luck!

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Basic physiology... There is no growth without conflict. Something has to come along and upset the status quo in order for growth/change to be triggered. I like to think it's the same for life decisions. Some of us will hold out until the bitter end while everything around us goes up in flames before we're finally pushed into taking action. Others of us have a higher 'risk budget' and will take action with much less provocation; those are the people with more self-confidence who enjoy overcoming new challenges.

Bottom line - no matter whether you're the conservative risk-averse person who won't leap before the entire deck is on fire or a thrill-seeker constantly looking for greener pastures..... change will be necessary at some point. Listen to your gut & make the move when the time is right FOR YOU. Suggestion - before accepting your next job, take the time to investigate the quality of the manager you'll be working for. A great manager makes all the difference.

[BumbleBuddy]

Thanks for the input AceOfHearts and HouTx. I think I'm ready to take the plunge. I want to stay within the same hospital system because they're paying for most of my BSN, but at this point I'm considering just paying out of pocket to save my sanity lol.