Searching for Essay Help. Original, I know.

punkydoodlesRN, BSN, RN · Feb 1, 2011

Bump... anyone?? Is it that bad?

NewSN13 · Feb 2, 2011

It's a great start. Check your PM. I did a little revising and sent you my draft. Hope it helps!

punkydoodlesRN, BSN, RN · Feb 2, 2011

Thank you so much!! Tons better!

Student4_life · Feb 2, 2011

Honestly it's the best essay I have read on here. It's clear, orderly, answers the question and includes humor. To clean it up a bit: you kind of go on about your F ridden semester, I am sure they will easily empathize with your situation so it may be a good place to trim. The other place would be to cut out the second mentioning of PTK (in fact your GPA outweighs paying for admittance to a GPA based honor society so you could drop PTK all together as it is on your transcripts (or if you have a resume you could put it on there)).

punkydoodlesRN, BSN, RN · Feb 2, 2011

Thanks Student :) I changed it to the other final draft that Christina23 helped with - is it better? Or should I still trim down my crappy semester??

Student4_life · Feb 2, 2011

I like it, didn't count the words as I am on my phone (the snow storm took my cable and power so no PC with it's word processor for me), but if you are under keep it as is. Again it's original, I can skim it and not miss out as it has great progression... I could go on but I am sure you get it.

Now I am not so great with punctuation and sentence structure (I get by with telling a good story), but those are things (as well as spelling and tense) that the board will pick up on and it frustrates them, so have an English teacher give it a once over, but don't let them change the flavor.

punkydoodlesRN, BSN, RN · Feb 2, 2011

I like it, didn't count the words as I am on my phone (the snow storm took my cable and power so no PC with it's word processor for me), but if you are under keep it as is. Again it's original, I can skim it and not miss out as it has great progression... I could go on but I am sure you get it.
Now I am not so great with punctuation and sentence structure (I get by with telling a good story), but those are things (as well as spelling and tense) that the board will pick up on and it frustrates them, so have an English teacher give it a once over, but don't let them change the flavor.

Good idea - I have several I can send it to. And it's 688 words now :)

NewSN13 · Feb 2, 2011

Good idea - I have several I can send it to. And it's 688 words now :)

I agree, let a grammar/spelling freak look it over. I tried to rework some of the things that jumped out at me - passive voice and that kind of thing - but I'm far from an expert!

Student4_life · Feb 2, 2011

Not several, just one. Too many cooks ruin the pot, and too many English Professors strip a paper of it's soul. Go for a professor that is close to your maturity (as immature as possible with out you getting annoyed by them is my measure, YMMV), so the changes don't seem forced (kind of like touch up paint (or makeup if your not familiar, but I think everyone in the military is well versed in paint) you can get away with using a different shade if it's close, but hue extremes stand out and look worse than if you left the flaw).

Score one for use of painting in reference to essays.

punkydoodlesRN, BSN, RN · Feb 2, 2011

Not several, just one. Too many cooks ruin the pot, and too many English Professors strip a paper of it's soul. Go for a professor that is close to your maturity (as immature as possible with out you getting annoyed by them is my measure, YMMV), so the changes don't seem forced (kind of like touch up paint (or makeup if your not familiar, but I think everyone in the military is well versed in paint) you can get away with using a different shade if it's close, but hue extremes stand out and look worse than if you left the flaw).
Score one for use of painting in reference to essays.

I meant one... just know several I could pick from :) I sent it to a HS classmate that's now a senior Eng teacher for a large HS. She's pretty close to my maturity :) We still Facebook and have margaritas :) Does that count??