Scared Nurse

Published

Specializes in medical oncology.

Hi all you brave nurses out there. I'll try to make this short and sweet. I have been a nurse since 2003. I worked on a medical oncology floor in a hospital until 2008 when I decided to try travel nursing. After only 1 month I fell and broke my arm. Turns out I have multiple myeloma and after chemo and a stem cell transplant I am now in remission. Luckily during this time off I've been receiving disability but that money only goes so far and it's becoming harder and harder to make ends meet with monthly bills, medical bills, etc. I know I have to return to work, and really want to, but am terrified of returning to nursing for some reason. I have been offered a job by a temporary nursing company in one of the bigger cities about 2 hours from home but just can't get myself to commit to anything. I know I'm not ready, or may never be ready, to return to oncology nursing but my hesitation to return to nursing at all is puzzling. I know I'm scared about the physical aspect of the job but more importantly the stress factor and the thought that I've forgotten something critical that could endanger a patient. I try to remember that I may know more now since I've been a patient and have gone through so much but it's not enough. When this happened I promised myself I would be kinder to myself and take better care of my body but nursing is all I knew how to do. I know there are many areas of nursing to consider but with MM one never knows when it can rear it's ugly head. The larger lesions I have are in my arm which I broke and in my collarbone which causes me concern in regards to moving/lifting patients. My physician says I can lift 50-100 pounds but I would hate to hurt myself and end up not being able to use my arm/arms. Returning to school would be ideal but would take many months or years to complete. Are there any other nurses out there that have faced this same dilemma? I would love to hear how you got past your fear and returned to nursing or how you moved on through more education. Oh my......this didn't turn out so short and sweet but it felt good to get my worries out there. Thanks for taking the time to listen.

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Do you want to continue with travel nursing? That's the first question.

Other areas of nursing to consider--clinics, schools, psych, postpartum, day surgery, urgent care.

The pay and benefits vary with the specialty, but surely there is good fit for you somewhere out there.

I wish you the best. :up:

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Specializes in Hospital Education Coordinator.

when you interview ask how long is orientation and will you have a preceptor.

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I'm not a nurse (yet) but I just wanted to say that what you are going through is completely normal and that you should be patient with yourself. I'm sure you probably know this but illness and accidents, can cause apprehension and fear, even when it seems unrelated. Sometimes, medication can cause you to feel out of sorts. I think you would have a lot to offer to the oncology floor but I think it is completely understandable that you may not be ready for that yet. My advice to you would be to take it slow in whatever you do and if you feel like you can't shake the fear, maybe you could talk with someone who can help you rationalize things.

Also, wanted to congratulate you on being in remission. Take care of yourself!

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Specializes in med/surg/tele/neuro/rehab/corrections.

A wonderful place for a nurse who wants to do something different is adult day care! :)

I visited one at a LTC facility and that was pretty good but it only ran a couple days a week and most of the elderly had some dementia going on. The best one I've visited was more of a socializing program not associated with any facility. It was mostly foreign born elders so that was really neat! Not full of sick people either if one doesn't like that kind of thing.

I'm just trying to point out that there are different kinds of adult day centers as an option. :)

Good luck!

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Specializes in PICU, NICU, L&D, Public Health, Hospice.
Hi all you brave nurses out there. I'll try to make this short and sweet. I have been a nurse since 2003. I worked on a medical oncology floor in a hospital until 2008 when I decided to try travel nursing. After only 1 month I fell and broke my arm. Turns out I have multiple myeloma and after chemo and a stem cell transplant I am now in remission. Luckily during this time off I've been receiving disability but that money only goes so far and it's becoming harder and harder to make ends meet with monthly bills, medical bills, etc. I know I have to return to work, and really want to, but am terrified of returning to nursing for some reason. I have been offered a job by a temporary nursing company in one of the bigger cities about 2 hours from home but just can't get myself to commit to anything. I know I'm not ready, or may never be ready, to return to oncology nursing but my hesitation to return to nursing at all is puzzling. I know I'm scared about the physical aspect of the job but more importantly the stress factor and the thought that I've forgotten something critical that could endanger a patient. I try to remember that I may know more now since I've been a patient and have gone through so much but it's not enough. When this happened I promised myself I would be kinder to myself and take better care of my body but nursing is all I knew how to do. I know there are many areas of nursing to consider but with MM one never knows when it can rear it's ugly head. The larger lesions I have are in my arm which I broke and in my collarbone which causes me concern in regards to moving/lifting patients. My physician says I can lift 50-100 pounds but I would hate to hurt myself and end up not being able to use my arm/arms. Returning to school would be ideal but would take many months or years to complete. Are there any other nurses out there that have faced this same dilemma? I would love to hear how you got past your fear and returned to nursing or how you moved on through more education. Oh my......this didn't turn out so short and sweet but it felt good to get my worries out there. Thanks for taking the time to listen.

Congratulations on your remission! That is the most important thing...

I am a breast cancer survivor, so I understand some of your anxiety...I could recommend things like community or public health, parish nursing, school nursing, etc. But what I needed was to see a professional for a spell...someone who asked the right questions, listened REALLY closely, and made some very insightful suggestions along the way. Subtle cognitive changes (temporary for the most part) are not uncommon following aggressive chemo. It was very unsettling for me and I also had reservations about working. So please know that there are folks who can help you get to the other side of all of this, and that you can still be a nurse.

But...you are now a different nurse, because you are a different person...so you have to find your new nurse specialty.

Best of luck to you...survivor.

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Congratulations on your remission! That is the most important thing...

I am a breast cancer survivor, so I understand some of your anxiety...I could recommend things like community or public health, parish nursing, school nursing, etc. But what I needed was to see a professional for a spell...someone who asked the right questions, listened REALLY closely, and made some very insightful suggestions along the way. Subtle cognitive changes (temporary for the most part) are not uncommon following aggressive chemo. It was very unsettling for me and I also had reservations about working. So please know that there are folks who can help you get to the other side of all of this, and that you can still be a nurse.

But...you are now a different nurse, because you are a different person...so you have to find your new nurse specialty.

Best of luck to you...survivor.

What an excellent post! Thank you for offering your (hard-won) insight.

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