Saturday October 7th 2023

Ado Annie, ASN, RN · Oct 7, 2023

Stepson is out of custody and installed in the apartment his cousin/guardian found for him. He's posting all kinds of crazy stuff on facebook just like he did before. (He defriended me but I can see the posts)

I unblocked his phone number in case he tried to communicate. Probably foolish on my part. He did text his sister asking about his cats (she took them in) and she had the cousin/guardian let him know they're doing well. She doesn't feel up to interacting with him and doesn't know for sure that she ever will. I get it. But I have some parental feelings toward him. And while he did say horrible things about my kids he didn't threaten them like he did stepdaughter's kids. And hers are still little.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2023

Good morning!

Joe, sounds like a good day.

Ado, hope your step-son doesn't go off the deep end or cost your family any grief and money.

Not much going on here today. A normal day off. I was asked to work Sunday but took answering back long enough that other arrangements were made. Fine with me. I didn't want to work but probably would have.

No Stars In My Eyes · Oct 7, 2023

Hey y'all~

Gave permission to have them put in a line (PICC?) to feed him TPN, as he is malnourished. All those times I begged him to eat something! During his last few days here, he might've eaten half a sandwich, and sometimes not even that much, and a few times I found part of the half sandwich rolled up, hidden in a paper towel. So I'm not surprised he's malnourished. And I think I told you that mostly I agreed to that because I thought it would help his dgt to know he was receiving needed treatment. Anyway, the PA said that it would be easy enough to remove, if that's what is decided.

I wish I could have that conference with the docs NOW. Of course, there may be no need for a conference by the time they can get around to it. Who knows. Oh, Lord, I don't want him to keep having extensive care if he is going to suffer more symptoms of a downhill slide. I think the PA said that maybe the doc working today will call me later. I sure hope so.

Then I got another call saying he was still very active in the bed and his speech more mumbling and slurring than previously . Also, his eyes are moving back and forth, back and forth. "It is possible he's had some kind of stroke." She said it might be a __?___ stroke.....not sure of what the word was that she said. They are going to TRY to do a head scan, but they're not sure they can keep him still enough. So....there we are at present. This is like being squeezed through The Garlic Press Of Life....I feel like I am in fragments and shreds.

I am going to get Nannie up, give her breakfast and then see if one of the neighbors will sit with Nannie and Momo while I go to the pharmacy. Nannie and I have refills waiting, and I have to pick up some more yogurts for her and some small individual servings of dog food.

Then I will probably come home and take 0.5 of Xanax.

And, of course, I will keep you updated as things change.

No Stars In My Eyes · Oct 7, 2023

No word from either neighbor. I told Nannie if I don't hear from them by 5 PM I will load her and Momo into the car and we'll all go over to get the refills. There are several parking spots for the pharmacy to run your meds out to your car, so that's an option. Then we could do a brief stop at Food Lion for the dogfood. I can go to get my vaccines tomorrow. I took the half Xanax because I don't know when/what I am going to hear on the phone next.

A hospital doc had called me for permission to give hubby some med to calm his body down so they can get a scan, There are some real risks to giving an 'elderly' patient this med, but I said go ahead and give it , to see what the scan might tell us. I told this doc that I was a nurse for 40-something years, and hubby and I have spoken many times of our positions of what we want to happen,,,"IF"....I said I had worked with many Hospice patients, so I am familiar with that mileau. I told her about the conference that our PCP wanted to schedule for this following week, which she said was a good idea. She thought that giving this until Monday, and have a conference "with the family" ---at which point I interrupted her and said that *I* am the only family to make decisions---

I do not want him to have to go through anything else; I don't think he is going to pull out of this even though the doc I spoke with today tried to sound a little cheery and hopeful about the few times he responded appropriately this morning. I almost said "Huh." but I didn't.

UGH.

Ado Annie, ASN, RN · Oct 7, 2023

Our pharmacy actually has a drive-thru which can be handy. Hubs and Gma and I were planning to go get vaccines after the ballgame today (flu for them, that 2nd shingles for me) but Hubs and I agreed we don't want to.

It is a beautiful day. Oklahoma beat Texas 34-30 in a nail-biter. My suitcase was delivered (yay!).

nursej22, MSN, RN · Oct 8, 2023

Stars, I don't mean to overstep, but I think leaving step-dtr out of end of life discussions feels rather harsh. I know, there's been a lot of friction, and she's been unkind, but... she is a first degree relative, she has had 2 huge shocks--her dad is an alcoholic and he likely is dying. Her denying the seriousness of his condition is a natural part of grieving, right? Of course, you have the final say, but having her at least listen to the discussion seems humane. And may ease some of the issues you will have to face about Nannie and the house, etc.

Just my 2 cents.

No Stars In My Eyes · Oct 8, 2023

Got to leave around 6:10 PM. I had the girls'-across-the-street boyfriend coming to sit with Nannie and Momo. Then I got a call when I had just started out, the other woman from across the street (who is next door to the other) said she could come over. I told her the guy was there, but she could go over and relieve him.

I raced to the pharmacy, where this woman kept coming up while I was at the counter, and asking the woman helping me, questions. After her third interruption I said I should've said to her "hurry up and WAIT!" but there was no point in it, as I was trying to get over to the hospital. After those three interruptions, while I was getting the bag and the receipt, she came up AGAIN, and went into a long-winded excuse me for why she kept interrupting...." I just said, "okay" and grabbed the bag and ran back to my car.

I got to the hospital and made my way through the miles of corridors and finally to hubby's room. As I walked in, a Dr was there with a Nurse and an Aide. The doctor held up her hand like a stop sign, saying, "We JUST NOW got him calmed with the medicine. DON'T talk to him, and don't kiss him either, because we don't want him to start thrashing again. We need to get this scan done." Both that Dr and nurse said THEY still think he has a chance for a satisfying life, blah, blah, blah . And how could they think that if they didn't know him? So, as I was leaving I just said, "Call me when you are through if you can." And they assured me that they would.

I know they had to and wanted to do that scan, but I was quite pissed when I left because one of them said something about the med they were using was usually given in the ICU. I said, "ICU ? We don't want him in ICU!" They said they didn't want to give up on him. I said that one of the reasons he might have been fighting them is because he DOESN'T want to be there, he hates hospitals, and doesn't want any more tests, injections or enemas. They said they THINK he might be almost through with the DT's. They THINK? Ppfftt!

I will wait to see what the results of the scan might be. They better not call me and tell me that they can't read it because they would have to wait for whomever would be the one to look at it and diagnose anything!! But Monday morning I will squawk like a tom-turkey who just rec'd a hit in his butthole with an arrow, if they do not agree to follow hubby's preferences / wishes, and mine. Burned me that they felt he still had "a chance at a satisfactory life." HAH! Yuh. Satisfactory for someone with no brain, who didn't mind sitting around with a bunch of OLD folks! That is not my hubby and that is NOT at all "satisfactory" in any sense of the word.

I have to go take another 1/2 Xanax because I feel like I'm about to spew my brain thru the top of my skull. I tried to use the emoji that demonstrates a blown mind, but now all the emoji's have a little blue, folded-edge miniature of a page on the left , upper aspect of the actual emoji. WHY? Rats. Oh well.

I am sort of 'watching' a crappy ballgame, and anxiously waiting to be able to put Nannie to bed!

I need to calm myself and breathe now.

No Stars In My Eyes · Oct 8, 2023

j22, I don't think she will be able to be here when they call and tell me about the conference, nor when it actually occurs, She lives 2 + 1/2 hours away and is working full time. I don't want hubby in this limbo for another couple of days if I can help it.

I understand what you are saying. I know my grampa's third wife had him buried before my mom even knew he was dead. She couldn't have gotten down to Fla. from Maine very quickly. She told my mom she thought it would hurt mom less to not have to deal with things at all, but my mom was quite upset and angry. So yeah, I can see how his dgt might feel 'left out'. She's left us out (hubby or I) so many times it's stunning. I usually deal with some uncomfortable things by saying, "Okay. It's all water under the bridge now, so never mind." And I really DO feel like things are 'water under the bridge' and therefore I can let them go. But this I am having trouble with because I know how hubby felt about her and said so many times how she just wanted to do things that suit her, without accommodating anyone else's needs or views.

His dgt can come and see him tomorrow, maybe. (If she wants to transport him to her house, fine, But she can't, won't and wouldn't.) She certainly can talk to the Dr by phone if necessary, but she won't be attending any meeting. I understand her viewpoint, but I don't think even hubby would be amenable to her being in on a meeting to decide his 'fate'. Maybe he wouldn't know, but I can already hear her whining about things, and hear him saying her name strongly in a certain tone of voice, meaning for her to HUSH.

Yeah, if it's cold, it's cold. I haven't denied her anything else. She can TALK to the doctor, and get all the info she wants or needs, but I will NOT have her in the meeting in person.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 8, 2023

I'm sorry you're going through a roller coaster ride right now. You just have to take it one minute at a time as things change. Things are complicated with his benzo and alcohol withdrawal, but it also doesn't sound like he's actively dying and receiving futile care. Some people get through these kinds of things and do make it the other side and have a "meanful life", and for others it's the beginning of the end. There is no exact answer with all his comorbities where one fire leads to another.

I had a decent day. Took a long nap after hot yoga which is surprising because my mind didn't feel like it would shut off. Then spent some time on the beach with best friend. It's turning cooler at night these days.