Rules for Oregon Drivers
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I was just perusing the "Rules for Michigan Drivers" when I got to thinking that each state must have its own unwritten rules based on the local weather, culture, and characteristics of its population. So here's a list of rules for Oregon drivers that never made the vehicle code:
1) Don't bash drivers with California license plates. Three-quarter of the drivers with Oregon plates are ex-Californians themselves....heck, YOU'RE probably one of them.
2) Driving in more than a millimeter of snow must involve the same techniques as those employed by Californians who drive in the rain. These may include, but are not limited to, the following:
a) Increase speed to at least 70MPH in residential areas and 90MPH on the freeway to avoid getting snowed on.
b) Panic and hit the brakes if the car begins to slide.
c) If a snowdrift appears to be more than six inches deep, proceed through it. Curse loudly and spin tires futilely when the vehicle becomes stuck.
d) If the above techniques do not work, go to the store the day before a snowstorm is predicted and buy three months' worth of food and supplies so it will not be necessary to venture out once the blizzard is in the process of dumping its two inches of snow on the roads.
3) The traffic signals mean the following:
a) Red means STOP
b) Green means GO
c) Yellow means FLOOR IT!
d) Blinking red means STOP IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT
e) Blinking yellow means PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK....EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.
4) Never allow anyone using an on-ramp to actually merge with traffic. They aren't really serious, anyway, and the people behind them don't mind being backed up.
5) In Portland, do as the Portlanders do, even if it is illegal in other parts of the state. Portland doesn't even know that there ARE other parts of the state.
6) The maximum speed limit on the interstate is 65MPH....wait a minute, it's 70. No, it's 65. No......well, pick one of 'em, the legislature STILL hasn't made up its mind, and the 4 state troopers who are left after the budget cuts won't look at you sideways unless you're doing approximately 180 in your own driveway.
7) This rule does NOT apply in Corvallis, home of Oregon State University, where there are approximately 2.7 cops for every resident, and each one of them will bust you for exceeding the city's maximum speed of 5MPH.
8) Do not drive on the freeway in any vehicle smaller than the average rhinoceros. You will not win.