Rough start....not coping at all.

Posted
by 2126 2126 Member

Specializes in Step Down.

I'm honestly ready to quit my job, but cannot until I find something else. I have never had such anxiety over anything in my life. I cry before every shift and many times after. I can't enjoy my days off because I'm worried about coming back in. Im completely exhausted from night shift to top it all off. I feel like I'm trapped in prison and get let out once in awhile. This job is so emotionally, physically, and mentally consuming. Everyone keeps telling me these feelings are normal, but how can a person live this way? I have a family to take care of....is this it? This is my profession? I don't even know where to go with so little experience and what would even be a better fit for me. Im reading all the posts and am happy to know I'm not alone, but I still have to deal with my own reality.

Just a vent I guess.

SweetheartRN

SweetheartRN

Specializes in LTC, Pediatrics, Renal Med/Surg. 159 Posts

You have hit the nail on the head. You feel exactly like I do...minus the crying. I moan and complain alot before my shift though. People say it gets better, and I'm sure it does. How do you survive until that time is my question?

I cannot live this way anymore, which is why I'm going back to the office setting where I don't get anxious before I go to work...where I actually look forward to going to work. I need to be mentally, physically, emotionally capable of taking care of myself and family when I'm off from work. I'm not able to do that working where I'm at now, on a med surge floor. My husband is so glad I'm going back to my pediatric clinic job...he'll get his happy wife back.

Tomorrow is my last shift....I put in my notice three weeks ago. Normally I would be having a near panic attack because of having to work tomorrow but somehow knowing its my last day is making me feel as cool as a cucumber. :cool: To bad I can't have that feeling all the time or maybe I wouldn't be leaving. Everyone wants me to stay and thinks I'm doing a great job. I've been there only three months. Co-workers are saying I've improved and am doing really well to be where I'm at now and believe it or not I do notice some improvements but the point is I don't think the uneasiness I have will ever go away before I start a shift. Just because I look like I'm coping on the outside..I'm screaming on the inside. I'm making it through shifts by telling myself I'll be outta here soon.I'm relieved when I clock out and feel the weight of responsibility for these pts pulled off my shoulders and placed on the oncoming RNs and have a few days off. But am never able to truly enjoy all my time off because the first day off I'm still exhausted and the closer it gets to when I have to go back I start feeling the terrible "dread" again.

Its no way to live and I don't know when the feeling will go away...if it ever will completely because I just don't like dealing with the unknown. I didn't know HOW much so until I was actually a practicing RN in the hospital setting. I like being able to expect what kind of day I'm going to have...what my patients are going to be like etc..and thats not really possible in the hospital setting. I also like when patients come in...I nurse them...and then they leave...no family drama no extra coordination of care to deal with that is present in the inpatient setting.

Some will tell you to stick it out. I do believe if I stuck it out it would get better...but I don't have the desire to do this. I know myself well enough to know its not my niche. I feel so much better about working in the clinic setting.

Truly I feel your pain.:hug:I hope you find some peace.

Edited by SweetheartRN

2126

2126

Specializes in Step Down. 193 Posts

I'm dying for a clinic setting! I have no idea where to find such a job. I have worked in outpatient not related to nursing but there weren't nurses there. I loved it even though I was an aide. I even asked my own doc if he was hiring but he wants a NP. Part of me thinks that if it was day shift I'd cope a little better. The night shift is adding a TON to my stress because Im having a hard time recuperating. I have zero energy until it's almost time to go back and the panic sets in again!!!!

MissyKrissyRN

MissyKrissyRN

13 Posts

1st thing ya'll need to do: find a hobby/past time. Its a must in order to cope with the stress.

Believe me, I felt the exact same way ya'll did. For months I was depressed and would cry before each shift. (just wrote a post about that) Adjusting to nursing is such a shock. What kept my hope alive? I keep searching for a new job where I know I wanted to be. I looked every where I could think of, and finally after 6 months I got to transfer. You just have to be persistant in finding what u want. Most people say stick with your job for at least 6 months to a year, and while that gives u a chance to get used to nursing, I say if you want something else then go for it! Keep on applying for those jobs that you desire. The most anyone can do is tell you "no, we're looking for experience" (happened to me). Don't give up. It will definately get a little better, I promise. There are so many other things you can do (esp with decent work hours). Good luck!

Timothy Eagan LPN

Timothy Eagan LPN

Specializes in MICU, SICU, ER, Nursing Home. 2 Posts

It's true the first year may be a bit trying but you will be amazed at what you get used to. When I first started, back in the 90's I was an EMT and Critical Care Tech working at Rush Presbyterian St Lukes Medical center in Chicago. Mainly I worked Medical Intensive Care and Surgical intensive care...saw all kinds of things. It was very stressful at the time, but as time went on I started to figure out my own rythym to things and work started to get easier to deal with because I didn't feel so overwhelmed. It does take some time but once your there it's very rewarding. I always thought of it as doing the Lords work, it's not always easy but it does get very manageable. It does help to have a hobby...I think that's why lots of DR's golf, though I still can't understand that one either. That being said there is definitely alot of stability in the medical field and you don't just have to do nursing on the floor. There are many avenues for a nurse to follow, do some research and find out what aspect would fit you best. Maybe wound care nursing is something you would like, then your not always on a scheduled shift on a floor and its less stressful but still nursing, and a very important part of it.

Edited by Timothy Eagan LPN
more information

awalker1015

awalker1015

52 Posts

I could have written your post myself. Feeling the exact same way and also looking for an office/clinic setting. The stress is too much and I also have a family to care for (young children). Plus night shift is really creating a hardship for my family. It stinks because I love the nursing specialty I work in, but the setting is making me too stressed and unhappy.