Review this CL for new grad OB position PLEASE!!

[maddox11, ASN, RN]

I am applying for a position for a new grad program to work in post partum/LDR. Can anyone please just review it and give me any suggestions? I kind of had to throw it together quickly. I just came across the opportunity online and the deadline to apply is 1/13....2 days away. Thanks in advance!!!

To Whom It May Concern,

Your advertisement on the xxxxxxxx website for the New Graduate program captured my attention and motivated me to learn more about this healthcare opportunity. I have a strong interest in Obstetrical nursing, and find that caring for women and newborns is the most rewarding area of nursing I have experienced. The environment at xxxxxxx Hospital will provide me with a great opportunity to utilize and perfect my skills while contributing to the healthcare community, patients, and their families.

Working as a nurse in an obstetrical setting requires an accepting nature of cultural diversity. It also requires the ability to provide competent and sensitive nursing care to individuals from a vast array of situations and backgrounds. Although I do not have experience working with this population outside of my educational clinical rotations, I knew it was my passion and something I must pursue. I am determined to pursue this specialty area of nursing so much so that I am willing to make the commitment and move over 10 hours away from where I have resided my entire life. I find that there is nothing more rewarding than taking part in and witnessing the very moment that a mother meets her child, or helping a new mother learn how to breastfeed.

Thank you for giving my resume careful consideration. However, my application can only tell you a little about my enthusiasm. I look forward to meeting with you soon to discuss possible future employment. Please contact me at your earliest convenience. I can be reached anytime during the week to schedule an interview at xxx xxx xxxx.

[maddox11, ASN, RN]

Update..I actually just changed it all around so if you could critique this copy I would appreciate it! Hope its better and not worse than the original.

To Whom It May Concern,

Your advertisement on the xxxxxxx website for the New Graduate program in the xxxxx Birthing Center captured my attention and motivated me to learn more about this healthcare opportunity. The positive environment at xxxxxxxxx Hospital will provide me with a great opportunity to utilize and perfect my skills while contributing to the healthcare community, patients, and their families.

I have a strong interest in Obstetrical nursing, and find that caring for women and newborns is the most rewarding area of nursing I have experienced. I know it is my passion and something I must pursue. I am so determined to pursue this specialty that I am willing to make the commitment and move over ten hours away from where I have resided my entire life. Aside from my unlimited perseverance, I am very passionate about nursing in general, and took my education very seriously as indicated by my academic achievements. Also, I currently hold a license to practice as a Registered Nurse in the state of Rhode Island, which is part of the Nurse Licensure Compact. All of these positive attributes make me the perfect candidate for this position.

Thank you for giving my resume careful consideration. However, my application can only tell you a little about my enthusiasm. I look forward to speaking with you soon to discuss possible future employment. Please contact me at your earliest convenience. I can be reached anytime during the week to schedule an interview at xxx xxx xxxx.

Sincerely,

xxxxxxxxxxxx

[THELIVINGWORST, ASN, RN]

My advice would be to shorten it. If I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thing, I doubt a recruiter or NM is going to spend their time reading it either. Concise, interesting and relevant is your goal.

[maddox11, ASN, RN]

Thank you very much. Thats why it is so nice to have another set of eyes take a look. I reread it so many times I feel like I am going cross-eyed. I will definitely shorten it up.

[KelRN215, BSN, RN]

Please don't refer to yourself as perfect. I assure you you are not and I doubt any Nurse Recruiter or Nurse Manager is going to appreciate that statement, especially coming from a new grad.

If you are moving out of Rhode Island, your Rhode Island license is irrelevant. You have to LIVE in the compact state that granted your license to be able to use it in another state. You will need to apply for licensure by endorsement in whatever state you move to and you should state your intention to do so in your cover letter.

[maddox11, ASN, RN]

I in no way put that I am a perfect person...didnt know what I wrote translated to that. I meant it is I am a great candidate for this position bc of xyz. And all the job posting said is "license to practice in "state" or one of the compact states. Since the actual application that I filled out did not even ask about license details, I figured I would add that.Thanks for the extreme criticism though ;-)

[tryingtohaveitall]

I would leave out the part about being willing to relocate 10 hours. That would make me wonder if you'll move back home as soon as another opportunity presents self. Great letter!

[maddox11, ASN, RN]

I would leave out the part about being willing to relocate 10 hours. That would make me wonder if you'll move back home as soon as another opportunity presents self. Great letter!

Thanks for replying. You have to sign a 2 year contract if you are offered the job...but otherwise, goof point. I was just trying to show how sincere my desire is to do this. I hate that I stumbled across this position right before the deadline. Wish I had more time to really think about the cl more. Hopefully they aren't just looking at this...but my actual app and resume as well.