Relationship advice. What are your thoughts? Devastated...

Published

For my last year of school (traditional BSN Nursing; I took 5 years instead of 4 b/c I failed one course my first year of the program), I was complaining a LOT & became emotionally dependent on my boyfriend of 4.5 years. I was in totally denial that I had become this way. Side note: I hate who I am right now & am working on it. Anyways, he told me here and there over the past year not to complain so much - but it didn't penetrate in my dumb head; my mind was focused on school.

I love him a lot and I thought he always loved me. He sent me a photo of a place he wanted us to live at one day, cutely, prior to my graduation. And he said he wanted a life with me always. When I graduated he made drinks and appetizers for my parents. Side note: I had a job lined up (for my favorite specialty, might I add) as a RN. I was in such a happy-high during graduation lol.

A month later, I failed NCLEX. 1 week after failing, feeling devastated, he asked for a "break" (July 16th) so I could focus on myself and studying for NCLEX again and he could figure out himself. One week later I found out he was "in a relationship" with a random girl.

I've wasted the last 4 weeks of my life crying and procrastinating to study.

I'm so angry with myself because becoming a RN has been my dream (since I was 15) and this is all I've worked for. But my heart is torn apart. I feel like I ruined us & can't forgive myself.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.

You ruined nothing.This guy does not deserve you.You had to focus some energy from him towards school and he couldn't take coming in second best in your life while you worked toward a goal that would benefit you both.Imagine having kids with him,he would be jealous of the time you devoted to a baby..Thankfully you are seeing this now.

Get yourself together,hold your head up.Refocus,pass NCLEX and move on with your life.The guy you deserve is out there somewhere.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Sigh... I'm so sorry this happened to you. Such pain, this guy may have meant well but his heart was stolen. Don't blame yourself, he's not a bad person, you are not a bad person, life is not fair. In time you will heal and in time you will find the love of your life. Be strong my beautiful nurse, we are all here for you (hug)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

That guy is a douche (sorry if my term offends anyone.)

I agree with the other two comments.

Eat some ice cream, listen to chessy music, cry and cry and let it all out.

You're better than him and will do better without him in the long run!

*hugs*

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thank you ktwlpn - I just feel like I was a mess my last year, it didn't help seeing my friends graduate a year ahead of me and failing that one course hung a lot of stress over my shoulder as semesters dragged on. I shouldn't have complained so much. I think because I love him I felt comfortable complaining around him lol - maybe a little too much. Maybe I just need a stronger man, who can put up with me. Or maybe I just needed to get my act together....

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Sorry AlphaM, BSN, MSN, RN, "may have meant well"? Shouldn't he have stood by me no matter what if he loved me? And it sounds like this girl was chasing after him. She's only her 2nd year into college, a not so serious major.., and probably a lot more fun than me... Is he stupid and can't see that I'm a grown women? And love him, just overwhelmed. Im just so confused. He's my best friend. Thank you for being so kind :) It really helps hearing what other nurses/students have to say, hug :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I agree amandab13, LPN, he is sounding like a total douche :p

Haha I actually had some ice cream last night, chocolate :) And my friend suggested some Alanis Morissette haha. *hug

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Sorry AlphaM, BSN, MSN, RN, "may have meant well"? Shouldn't he have stood by me no matter what if he loved me? And it sounds like this girl was chasing after him. She's only her 2nd year into college, a not so serious major.., and probably a lot more fun than me... Is he stupid and can't see that I'm a grown women? And love him, just overwhelmed. Im just so confused. He's my best friend. Thank you for being so kind :) It really helps hearing what other nurses/students have to say, hug :)

Thanks for the kind words, I found from experience that it is better to not hold negative thoughts, the truth is that you are beautiful and someone else will win the price. (Hug)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I don't think your situation is hopeless. He's on a "high" right now with this new girl, but she's a flawed human like everyone else. Infatuation is often temporary- he just hasn't had time to discover her shortcomings or for them to really affect him. If he really loves you, he hasn't gotten over you so easily - he's probably hurt and shocked that the person he fell in love with changed so much, and he would rather have you - that is, the independent happy version of you that he first met and fell for!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thanks everyone for their responses. Just letting you know I passed NCLEX in 75 questions on Dec 2nd! :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Allergy and Immunology.

Congrats! I hope you can move forward from here.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I don't think your situation is hopeless. He's on a "high" right now with this new girl, but she's a flawed human like everyone else. Infatuation is often temporary- he just hasn't had time to discover her shortcomings or for them to really affect him. If he really loves you, he hasn't gotten over you so easily - he's probably hurt and shocked that the person he fell in love with changed so much, and he would rather have you - that is, the independent happy version of you that he first met and fell for!

No, you're right, her situation is far from hopeless. She's got everything before her. With or without that guy. There's something emotionally-defeating having partner that basically meets your struggling with hurdles with a dismissive "don't complain so much". And he replaced her after 4 yr in 2 wk? That sounds immature of him.

.

It's disconcerting that the language of your post puts the onus on her for him ditching her? Things change people, and she doesnt need to be who she was to appease him. If it were meant to be they'd have grown together. That's honestly not very healthy notion at all, one should never fix/change themselves FOR someone else. :/

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion