How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. Men will screw anything.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A: The grip.

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for ?

A. Its Braille for "s**k here".

Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds ?

A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

Q. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't ?

A. Her navel.

Q. Why do men die before their wives ?

A. They want to.

Q. Why do women have tits ?

A. So men will talk to them.

Heh heh - did you hear about the old lady who was SOOOO depressed, she decided she was going to kill herself? She asked her doctor exactly where her heart was, not telling him why, but she wanted to shoot herself and wanted to make sure it would be fatal. Doc told her it was behind her left breast.

Yep. She sure did. Shot her left kneecap.




1 Article; 2,394 Posts

Specializes in Everything except surgery. Has 27 years experience.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: ...priceless!!

Specializes in MDS Coordinator, CWS.

Does this remind any of you of someone????

No Hunting, No Fishing?

A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times,

approaches a well-dressed gentleman on the street.

"Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?" The well-dressed

gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on liquor are you?"

"No,sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.

"You are not going to throw it away in some fishing gear, are you?" asks the gentleman.

"No way, I don't fish," answers the bum.

"You wouldn't waste the money on a squirrel dog, would you?" asks the man.

"Never," says the bum, "I don't hunt."

The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly.

While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him.

"Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at

your table?"

"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, fish or hunt."


11 Posts

Q. Whats the difference between doctors and God?

A. God doesn't think he's a doctor!


11 Posts

Q. Whats the one good thing about Alzheimers?

A. You meet new people everyday!


1 Article; 2,394 Posts

Specializes in Everything except surgery. Has 27 years experience.


I know I heard that somewhere but it's still a good one..:chuckle:..

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