providing hospice to mother

Allow Mystery · Mar 3, 2008

Dear proud2b1

I was blessed to be able to provide care for my mother the last month of her life. I had been with Hospice approx. 9 months prior to providing my

mother's care, and I believe I was led to Hospice to gain the knowledge

and wisdom to be able to confidently be with my mom and assure her and my family a peaceful transition.

After my mom was terminally diagnosed, I recommended Hospice but not the one I was employed by (different city). I told my family it made no difference what Hospice they chose (too many options) and assured my

mom she would not suffer. My mom had hospice for about 2 months and I

monitored her symptoms. When I noticed a progressive decline, I took a leave of absence from my job, and went to live with my mom and dad and

provided her care. Pain was an issue and I adjusted her pain medication daily to provide her with comfort but maximize her quality of life. I bathed and dressed her as she became more dependent. My mom was sitting up

at the dinner table the night before she died. The next morning she was unable to get out of bed (she slept in her own bed next to my dad), she

gradually slipped into unconsciousness and died within 18 hours. My family,

especially my dad, who refused to acknowledge her death was possible,

thought I gave her "too much" medication. I knew better. I gave her

unconditional love and I will always cherish the experience. I never thought of myself as my mother's nurse, but as her loving son.

I'm out of Hospice now (too many inconsistancies) and contemplating my future, but I hope to be blessed with providing unconditional love for

others as they transition from this life.

Please, don't be hard on yourself, you were there with your mom as her loving daughter and that's all that matters. God Bless you!

CANRN, MSN, RN · Mar 3, 2008

I was wondering if anyone has faced providing hospice duties to your mother.Did you find it impossible.I forever and always was positive with hospice until then.I only had a short time to comprehend it all as my mother went from "normal,and my mom"to full blown liver cancer.She had expressed to me she did not want roxinol.Other family members thought it necessary as it was hospice ordes.My mom preferred the vicodin,and also had the patches on.She wouldnt open her mouth ever,even if she was out of it.Anyway,I couldnt ever give it.My mom lasted 2 days after she staged.That monday hospice came in,did their thing,and she was gone.I know now and can see more clearly.I beat myself up alot over it all.I just felt like I could only be her daughter,not her nurse

I also took care of my mother the last few months of her life. She lived with me after she could no longer be at home alone. I can't tell you how honored I was to care for my Mom. And like you, it was hard on me, I felt I had on two hats, that of a nurse and also a daughter. Towards the end when she was dying, I had to only wear the hat of the daughter. I allowed the hospice nurses to make med changes etc, because I could not "think" clearly at all. Don't beat yourself up.

Since I have been a hospice nurse, I have had several occassions when a nurse was a family member. There came a time, when they too, had to make a decision to be "just the daughter, grand-daughter, niece" and allow hospice to make the decisons and changes.

proud2b1 · Mar 4, 2008

hey,

Just wanted to say thank you so much for the kind words.I was not the hospice nurse,I am an lpn.I was able to do the basics.It happened so fast.I dont think I even comprehended it all until much after her death.The "little girl"really comes out in those moments..I have never been able to express myself on this.Only fellow nurses would understand.Thank you again,it means so much:[anb]:

sharona97, BSN, RN · Mar 5, 2008

hey,
Just wanted to say thank you so much for the kind words.I was not the hospice nurse,I am an lpn.I was able to do the basics.It happened so fast.I dont think I even comprehended it all until much after her death.The "little girl"really comes out in those moments..I have never been able to express myself on this.Only fellow nurses would understand.Thank you again,it means so much:[anb]:

Proud2b1:

A very interesting post and glad to read all of them. I too, am an LPN and my mother is dying with Lung Ca. I am not a hospice nurse, but am very interested in this area of nursing. I live 20mn away from mom, and the only girl. My brothers keep their distance and I know they are hurting. I've not been to see my mom for reasons not nec to post here, but I do know I have done everything in my power to help ensure that mom is getting good care and I have been blessed with so many answers to my questions concerning this.

That is all I have to hold on too and I keep my prayers and wishes very dear to my heart, I've accepted the inevitable with mom, I only wish the rest of the family could learn more about the grieving. And as time passes, I am sure a wonderful hospice nurse will be there for mom and my brothers.

Take Care,

Sharona