Well, I'd like to start off by saying that I'm not looking for pity because I have enough self pity everyday to cover it. But I want to share the story of my career, and how I feel it's been a personal failure, in hopes of helping someone else whose been in my shoes or had similar feelings.
Okay. Where to begin? I guess I'll begin with nursing school. The next paragraph will all be a rundown of my career and its pitfalls, and why I regret my career decisions.
I knew right away that nursing was not for me in nursing school. I could feel it in my gut. But what did I do? I kept right on going; passing tests, studying hard, and passing nursing school and then the NCLEX. Then I went to work at a hospital, which was your typical med/surg experience. I hated every second of it for 2 1/2 years, so I quit and went back to school for a different career that I thought I would love. Then got scared about layoffs in that career and job prospects, so I left and went to back to the hospital to a better floor. I liked it better, but not exactly my dream job. The first scare was when I was involved in a lawsuit with several staff members on the floor because I'd taken care of the patient one night (luckily it was settled). This was scary but not life changing. I worked that floor for about six years then transferred to another area within the hospital. I enjoyed this area, as much as I could enjoy nursing, but after a year I was fired in a mass firing with around 15+ people. I won unemployment, even though my former employer fought me every step of the way because it was determined I was not at fault. Then, I got a job as a school nurse and a few months in I was informed that my former employer (hospital) had turned my name, along with the others, into the board of nursing. That was an ordeal! In the end I had to hire an attorney, had to pay the board a few hundred dollar fine and do X amount of extra CEs in addition to the required 14. I kept the school nurse job for three years until we were all laid off. I ended up going back to school nursing last school year, but resigned at the end of the year due to too much stress and anxiety. Now, guess what? I'm enjoying my time off, minding my own business and Boom! There's another lawsuit that has named me and others from an incident from last year. No resolution to this yet.
My career has been a complete failure. I am a failure. I have no self confidence left. After 15yrs in this field, I feel as if my youth was wasted on a career that wasn't for me. And never mind the Bachelors degree I have in another field because no potential employers care about it. I've tried multiple times to get jobs in other fields, but no luck. It's so easy to get pigeonholed once you're a nurse.
I don't know if I'm simply unlucky or the universe is trying to knock me off this path by force. All I know is I'm done with nursing. I plan to let my license expire and maybe go back to school and try something else. I've been a nurse for 15 years. One and a half decades! And now, I'm a complete loser. Right now, my husband has a good job where I can take some time off and contemplate what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I have interests and passions, but I also have so much fear.
I guess I'm writing this to urge others to listen to their guts. If you are in school or not very far into your nursing career and feel in your gut that it is not for you, then listen to yourself. Get out before the years pile on. You don't want to look back at your life and regret your entire career.
I'm sorry for the negative post, but I had to share this.
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