I am a new nurse into the PICU one month into my internship. I have gone between 3 preceptors in this time and have just met my "main" preceptor after about 10 shifts, while everyone else has been with their "main" since the get go. After taking report, she said that she did not like how I jotted the body systems and began making remarks that she did not know that I would be so "unadvanced" at this point in time and that she would have to start me from the beginning. That's fine, because I want to learn and do the way that works for her. By the end of the shift I felt I was getting the hang of things and ended the shift on a positive note. In the morning I jotted the way that she wanted and while charting on the same stable pair from the day prior, I was getting behind and had not finished charting on the first patient. She told me that this is the most stable patients that we have and if I was getting overwhelmed with this that I don't belong in the ICU. When I went to flush the IV, I did not see that it was clamped and she sarcastically asked me where I went to school and if I have ever worked with IVs. I feel that at this point in time I felt overwhelmed because she was breathing down my neck. When I administered the meds through NG tube, it backed up and some of it spilled on the sheets. I re-sent for another from pharmacy, but she made a big deal out that because the sheets had just been changed and I was scared of her seeing it before coming in the room because of the fit she had made over the IV a few minutes prior that I was literally shaking. I understand the ICU is a no-nonsense kind of place, but 1 shift into meeting her I am beginning to believe that I am incompetent. When I went home that night, I cried, because I feel that I made a mistake going into the ICU as a new grad, that I'm not going to ever get better, not last and that they will fire me and wind up homeless. I don't really know what to do. I had never felt like this with my other preceptors. I feel like I am giving 100% and that I will never be able to live up to her standards. I am not trying to put her down, she is an amazing nurse loved by everyone on the unit, which is why I feel so poorly about myself at this point in time. I feel as if I am dreading going back to work and even worse.. this hospital comes with a 2 year contract.