So, I'm a new nurse and this is my 4th week out of orientation. I'm working by myself and most recently, I broke down and started becoming more anxious and panicky. I broke down for various reasons.
1. I am being bullied by senior nurses/preceptor. I was given an assignment where one of my patients were on contact/droplet precautions for HMV and my other patient was on airborne and contact precautions for R/O TB and (+) RSV. From previous observations, senior nurses who received 2 patients on precautions would often be able to switch out one of the isolation patients. However, when I asked ANM and told her it wasn't fair, she responded with, "Well...for one of them you just put on a mask." I don't feel like it's fair that senior nurses can take advantage of the system whilst, new nurses are being chewed up like dirt.
2. Some of the aides on the floor refuse to help me and I have trouble delegating to them because every time I do, I constantly get an excuse saying "I'm behind in my charting."
3. Some of the new nurses refuse to help me.
4. I was told by ANM to ask questions and quite frankly, for literally everything I'm unsure of, I'll ask and people on my floor either sneer, roll their eyes, or give a sigh as if I'm asking for too much.
5. I've been written up 2x in the course of 4 weeks being by myself. Those were my mistakes and I've owned up to it and am more meticulous about doing things more efficiently and slower (as doing my tasks fast led to mistakes).
6. I've been told some of the nurses think I'm a weak nurse (this bothers me because I don't really speak to anyone about my personal life; they don't know me. I just try to do my job, take care of my patients and get out).
So basically, I'm at this point where I have 2 more weeks until I'm off probation and I feel like I'll be fired right after probation. I'm just trying to do my job, I'm a new nurse and I'm not trying to blame these issues on the fact that I'm new (I do look up diseases and do try to understand why patients manifest certain signs and symptoms). I just feel horrified and worried that I'll be fired because of little things here and there and what management and what my coworkers are thinking of me. Management puts on a poker face and has told me that I can voice all my concerns to them (Obviously, I would not because that's just digging myself into a deep hole and setting myself up). I don't know what I should do because I moved to this state for this job and I don't have anyone here. Bills need to be paid, food needs to be put on the table. Should I started looking into other jobs? Applying for new ones? And if I apply, I'd have to wait months before HR gets back to me, during that time period, I honestly can't think of what to do to pay bills and sustain myself. Please help.