Our TV drones on day after day with more and more outrageous stuff from Washington DC. He said , she said, he lies, she forgets, he says one thing, she says another. What is the cure for all that? My Country calls me. It is time for this old retired RN to come out of retirement and to serve our country. I must do this while I still have hair on my head. Pulling hair out of my own head is a daily thing now.
Here are some excellent nursing measures I can use when I go to DC.
"I didn't hear that" seems to be a pretty regular response to Senate, Congressional and FBI questioning. I can do a mean ear irrigation. Things are said, some things much saltier than others, and crass and gross. I always hear that stuff. I don't have difficulty hearing it when it is around me, and I am darned near 70! So, if those Secretaries, and Senators and Congressmen, and aids cant hear, I have a nursing measure. I will bring a large irrigating syringe, an ophthamoscope, some peroxide and basins and I will irrigate those ears so they are sparkly clean and clear. Wax be gone! If that doesn't work, they I will get them hearing consults and hearing aids.
"I don't recall that" This is the top response to questioning in DC. Is there something in the air or water down there. Is there an outbreak of selective dementia? Every one of those respondents who say that should get a memory assessment...I can do that. I don't have a nursing cure for selective memory loss, except maybe putting your cell phone on record, so your defective collective memories don't have to be intact. Unfortunately, there is no irrigation to clear the fog between your brain synapses.
"He/she didn't say that" Lies are another thing altogether! Lying is bad and it gets us nowhere. It hurts the liar and it hurts the listener. The only cure for lying is an opposing truth. Tell the truth. The American people deserve it and that is who you work for. If telling the truth will lose you your job, that is pathetic. Is it worth it for you to lie (sell your soul) to keep a job? Another cure for lying is starting an IV and injecting so-called "Truth serum". I can do that.
Smut talk, like S hole, S house, F this and that. My mother and the generation before that had a cure for this kind of talk. Potty Mouths got their mouths washed out with soap. A newer trend is eating laundry pods. Either way, mouth soaping may be a reminder to our leaders, who should be an example for all of us, including our children, to keep the language respectable and clean. Please note that this is not a recognized nursing procedure.
FOS. Old nurses remember HHH enemas. I can do those!!! "High Hot and Hell of a lot" enemas could clean out the fullest, most impacted bowels. We mixed up a soapy solution with steaming hot water, hung a bag full of it on a pole, hooked up and inserted a lubricated tube. Let loose...to let it loose. After we were done, the recipient was no longer FOS. That doesn't mean it is clean enough to kiss or to crawl up in there and to lose your own perspective. I think this may be the most important nursing measure we could use in DC...because there seems to be way too much S floating around, figuratively, and in important discussions about the future of immigrants and all of us in this country.
Immunizations. Inoculating our leaders for contagious and infectious diseases may be another way to stop the rampant widespread lying, deafness, forgetfulness, and foul stinky language. I'm not sure there is a vaccination for that, but certainly we can call on the CDC to help develop one. I can give 49 or 50 shots an hour... Yes, I can do that.
Just line em up. I promise to be gentle. This old nurse is ready to use her skills and get our leaders in tip top shape. We need them that way to help us to move forward.