You are not alone in this. Give yourself permission to focus on healing and the rest will unfold. The stress you have accumulated is too great and you deserve to be free. Finding a more fulfilling job is apart of your freedom, but allow yourself to take your first step first, which is restoring your wellness so you will be able to fully participate in your next job. Freeing your Nervous System is your first step, and you have started by expressing yourself, thanks for sharing. Allow yourself to be patient, it is OK because as @spotangel said, your life and impact are not replaceable, you will change the world in a way no one else can. I had to remind myself that accepting that I am a patient was the best way to restore my health after suffering from Anxiety due to burnout. And above all, reminded me that feeling suicidal due to a job was not my fault and that I was not going to allow that to deprive myself and the world of my presence. You are strong, you just need help getting out of the negative cycle, it is not you, it is the stress, getting help will restore your baseline self. YOU WILL FIND ANOTHER JOB, YOU WILL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT, focus on your irreplaceable soul. You will be helped, you will be fulfilled. Take the small steps. This is exactly what I am telling myself while on medical leave due to burning out. We are in this together, let's heal together!