I'm seeking some guidance on how I should handle the circumstances I'm currently in.
I graduated from a Diploma of Nursing in December 2013, and a year later the only position I've been offered is as an Agency EN, and I took it. The plan was to take a year after graduating to find a job as an EN before starting my RN's part-time next year.
Most of the shifts I do are on med/surg wards, and my patient load is usually 4. Often I get called in as a special for one pt, but the RN's will always say "Well, seeing how you're going to be in here the entire shift, you may as well take the three other patients in here." And because I want to appear helpful, I make the mistake of agreeing never really knowing what I'm agreeing to, and it often puts me in situations I can't handle without support which upsets the other nurses.
Basically, I feel like an imposter. I don't wear a fob watch because it has symbolism to me, and I don't yet feel like a real nurse. Every shift an RN will prompt me to do something I should have already done, or reprimand me for not knowing how to perform a certain procedure. I'm still in student mode without the support and safety net. I feel like part of the problem.
So, here are my options as I see them.
Ask the Agency to drop me back to AIN while I find my feet on the ward, do a few semesters and pracs of my RN's to help get my skills up and then ask the agency to bump me back up to EN once I find my confidence.
Stay as an EN and learn to swim in the deep end, knowing that I'll eventually find my confidence, remaining mindful of my own limitations and patient safety. I performed well during my pracs and received glowing reports from my facilitators, but now that I'm on my own, I don't feel as confident as I did during prac.
As one RN told me "You've got to fake it before you make it".
But when I explained my situation to another RN, she said "I'm going to write a letter to management."
Thanks for reading, advice would be welcomed.