sounds like you are living in my house. My daughter is 11 with similar problems, except for the grades. You did not indicate at what age her symptoms reared their head. Also, is anyone else in the family experiencing similar issues (sometimes have a genetic influence).
we started when she was 5 with the pediatrician, who was willing to send me out the door that day with Ritalin. I said no, I wanted a psychological evaluation, which we did. We also saw a pediatric neurologist, psychologist, behavioral counselor, and now have moved up to a child psychiatrist. She has undergone bloodwork, CT scans of the brain, and EEGs. She lies, steals, hourds, is obsessive, cannot make and keep friends, is aggressive, however is smart as all get out (but no common sense - aaahhhh!). She binged and purged when she was 8, wrote about suicide when she was 10, and recently stole from Wal-Mart. We also have the school counselor and community police officer working with her. Of course, she is now on a mixture of polypharmacy. She has had multiple diagnoses, including ADHD and Aspergers syndrome as the current consensus. However in the past they have included depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder.
We have tried Zoloft in the past, as well as Luvox, both SSRI class meds - with horrible effects, not to say that is what will happen if your daughter tries them. The psychiatrist has just concluded that this classification of meds makes my daughter worse with her symptoms.
She is numb to any and all forms of punishment. We've tried it all - and then some according to the psychiatrist.
Push for the referrals you want, or change physicians! In nursing, it is our responsibility to be our patient advocates, and in this case - the patient is our children. Educate yourself by getting your hands on as much materials as possible. Be prepared for road blocks from the "uneducated," especially your family members. Never stop searching for answers. Good luck.