I graduated my ADN program last May and was immediately blessed by receiving a job offer from the facility where I worked as a CNA during school...I accepted the job and loved working there! However, due to family reasons, I had to relocate at the end of the year and was unable to continue working at that facility. I received and accepted a job offer working in OB (day shift with three 12 hour shifts a week and three call days a month)...being that I did not have a full year of nursing experience yet, I am receiving the new grad orientation period of six months (I have two months left). I loved my OB clinicals in school and was able to do my transitions/practicum in OB before graduation - I thought that OB was where I wanted to be. But it has turned out to be something different...something completely different! I absolutely dread the days that I have to go into work - I can hardly sleep the night before, I often get myself so worked up that I am almost sick to my stomach with anxiety. I am so extremely overwhelmed while I am there that it is not uncommon for me to want to stop and cry or want to just leave during my shift; I know I need the experience, but I find myself not wanting the complicated labors, the deliveries, c-sections, or triages...I am actually extremely excited when someone else gets those patients, because it means that I did not get them. When I leave at the end of my shift, I either cry most of the way home or cry myself to sleep at night on my husband's shoulder...not because I'm worried I did something wrong, but because the stress and anxiety from the day has built up so much that I have no other way to release it. It's not the knowledge or the skills of the job that is causing this - I am getting and understanding what is going on with the patients I have (although I still have much to learn) and I can care for them at a level beyond where I am in my orientation, but I just don't do many things fast enough...I know this because it has been shared with me by the nurses I work with. However, while the nurses I work with tell me that they would prefer me to ask questions when I don't know something, they are also not very receptive to questions. I know that part of what I am feelinging is that I am still learning how to be a nurse instead of a nursing student, and that I am learning to care for a new patient population...but to me this seems to go beyond that! It is like I have lost my love for nursing, I do not enjoying in OB, I see few friendly faces at work, am constantly being criticized for not being fast enough at many tasks, and am constantly hearing about other nurses who went through the new grad orientation and were 'amazing!' It is flowing over into my personal life...even now I am sitting here on my day off crying just at the thought of work. The 12 hour shifts wear me out so much that I am basically useless the next day (especially if I work two or three in a row), it is hard to get stuff done at home because on days when I do have energy everything is screaming out at me that it needs to be done, I have little time with my husband due to not being on a similar schedule as him, and I am just sooo tired all the time. Nursing employment in my location is basically only available at this hospital, and transfers to a new unit are only allowed after one year of employment with no exceptions. Even though it won't look great on a resume, I am ready to quit just to save my own sanity!