i, too, was forced to retire medically, very abruptly. the grieving process is all-to-real. at one time i was physically deteriorating and began telephone triage as my "last ditch" effort to continue working. although i missed the hands-on, i found much satisfaction with helping patients on the phone. then i landed in the hospital and never was able to return to work. along with all of my other physical problems, i am now blind. i am a widow, so the struggle financially has been great. i wish i could comfort you somehow, but i know that i had to go through the grieving process in my own time, for the loss of my career. the loss of my career was just as devastating as the loss of a loved one. it's been a year and a half now, and i still struggle. it's not easy, after being so independent, both physically and financially, for so long...and then....boom. all i can say is that i feel your pain, and hope that you can find something to fill the void of wanting to care for someone. i try to do something every day, no matter how small, to let someone know i care. sending cards, emails, etc. to friends, family, etc. helps. forgetting about myself and finding someone who is hurting, to send an email, call...to just be a support to someone....helps. these are little things, but i have found it does fill the void. i have learned to appreciate every precious moment....what appears to be mundane can contain inspiring moments, if you look hard enough. i hope you are able to find some satisfaction in your days ahead, and will be able to reflect on those moments in time when you cared for patient's with great appreciation. those moments made a difference in someone's life. you made a difference, and that has not changed. you still have the ability to make a difference in someone's life today. there is still someone hurting who needs you. i wish you peace.