New grad here! I started my L&D new grad program back in October. Maternal health was the reason I went to nursing school and I was ecstatic to find getting hired so easy. I am a second degree student who graduated in summer 19' and have many "working years" under my belt. The hospital where I am is considered "high acuity" and busy, but I didn't think it was unmanageable. The new grad program seems pretty solid and I have a total of 12 weeks of orientation on the floor (although many of my 36 hours a week are spent on learning modules). Anyway-- my preceptor is fine. She's a little older than me and has been working in L&D at this particular hospital for eons. I thought we were creating a bond to be honest, but I am beginning to wonder if she has totally sold me out and threw my under the bus. I am currently on week 8 of my orientation and doing many of my tasks independently. We train with laboring moms, in the OR, recovery of C-section pts and their babies, triage, and antepartum. Hence-- it is A LOT of information all at once. I thought I was intelligent until I started this job. I have trouble remembering the simplest of things-- like what color vials are used for what lab draws and tests. I feel immense stress and pressure and I guess I just don't work well under conditions like that. Anyway-- I know I am slow, but I had not made any mistakes until last week. I forgot to correctly label a lab and sent it off. When they lab called my preceptor, she appeared very annoyed (as well as the nurse just about to take over the care of the patient). It's policy that when labs are mislabeled it becomes a safety incident and they must be redone. I get it. I effed up. Didn't help that we were talking about this particular lab that morning and how it can be confusing. UGH!!! I apologized profusely, ate my pride, and thought all was well. Until I got called into a "check in meeting". This is where I was greeted by my nurse educator, my nurse manager, and the patient care director. I felt sooooooooooo blindsided bc I had no idea what had happened was SO DIRE. The educator asked me how my week was going in triage and I told her I was still having trouble placing IVs on swollen moms. I also said (in all honesty bc we're adults having a conversation) that I found myself having trouble committing small things to memory. Fast forward 30 seconds and I am being told I am not where I am supposed to be in orientation, it a huge concern that I do not know how to place IVs or draw labs, I do not know how to organize my patient visits (?), I do not know how to organize my equipment for IVs and labs, and I am slow. I would have felt just a little better if it wasn't said to me so icky. It felt slimy and there was definite attitude behind the whole tone of the conversation. I am sooooo willing to learn with absolutely zero ego. Please teach me to be the best L&D nurse ever! Please. But some of these accusations seem bizarre to me. I made a mistake with a label, I AM SLOW b/c I am new, but I do not forget to bring anything to my rooms and the patients never know I am new nurse. I have been told to me face that "they are soooo glad they have a nurse who knows what they are doing". Not kidding. So when this conversation happened I was deflated and I have lost every ounce of self-confidence. I was placed with my nurse manager today who is actually very sweet and didn't say much in the previous call out meeting. I did all I was supposed to do and placed every single IV. My charting was impeccable and I didn't forget a thing. She told me I did a great job and managed my time well. Wonderful. But I really feel like there is a target on my back now. I came home and wanted to go straight to bed b/c I was so emotionally drained. I am beyond angry at my preceptor for putting me in this position--- why not tell me to my face what I can do better? Why tell the managers before me? Is it really that bad? Do I suck that much at week 8? My mistake hurt NO ONE...yes...I admit it was a mistake...but it was a label. I don't know how to bounce back from this and move on. All I want to do is quit. But is that silly? I feel like my educator watched me all day long. Bouncing in and out of triage..... not saying anything but just being there. Maybe I am paranoid. Sorry for the rant...but maybe there is someone else out there that feels the way I do as a new grad in L&D. It is sooooooo hard. So much stuff to remember. SO much stress. If I feel the writing is on the wall now, am I right to just cut my losses and go somewhere else?