Thanks for the advice so far. I can clarify a few things. I'm on Levothyroxine and Vitamin D supplements and seeing an endocrinologist already for my health. Yes, I'm overweight and have poor energy/fatigue. This is part of the problem. The day/night rotation is also part of the problem, its taking me longer and longer to recover from night shift as time goes on. Working days would help with the problems from nights, but it won't help with the acuity and never knowing whats rolling in the door, which in the ED- happens at all times of day.
I'm in counseling for myself to help with anxiety, work life balance, parenting and my health as well as couples counseling to help with work/life balance, parenting and anxiety around the political climate. My work environment is not toxic, in fact, I get along very well with management and they're extremely supportive. But working in a level 1 trauma ED, I have to be ready at any moment for a cardiac arrest, stroke (or 3), falls, MVC, gunshot, broken toe, COVID PNA, or any and all of the above to roll in one after another, at any moment. Then, when I get home, my girls want my immediate attention, they want to eat dinner with me (read: eat my dinner) or I have to go to sleep- and as soon as I wake up, they want my attention. Or I have to sit with my 6.5yo and keep her on task with her schoolwork (non-school days), or my 4yo is asking me to play with her because she doesn't have enough social/emotional stimulation from kids her own age because of COVID.
So- something has to give. I can't give my family or myself the mental energy they deserve, and ultimately I put myself last- and my health and weight are suffering as a result. As stated, I'm in therapy for this already. I'm literally doing every.thing.I.can. to help sort these things- and something has to go. As someone recommended, my fiance could put the girls on his insurance (he's their dad), so I don't think that would be an issue with per diem. I would just have to figure out insurance for myself.
I don't think I can stay in the ED for another 2 years, we're getting married in 2022. We've also been together for 11 years, so I'm not really sure that waiting until we get married would make sense here. The only reason he works part time is because it allows flexibility in his schedule for me to work long shifts and pick up extra if I choose, since I make more money than he does. It really makes more sense for me to be the one who works more hours since I have the ability to make more money- unless he wants to put himself through college and go on some type of professional/career exploration at this time, which he doesn't, and neither do it (want him to). I don't know. I'm not trying to come up with excuses for not staying doing what I'm doing, but I am trying to figure out what to do that would keep my schedule flexible and allow me to keep making good money, in order to achieve the balance I'm looking for.
Happy to entertain more thoughts/ideas on this!