I don't know what to do first. Mop the floor, wash the clothes, read the assignments, study math, start something for dinner, or just sit down and say a prayer, and another, and another. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays, and even a few happy birthdays in between. This is one of the most unusual, mixed up, chaotic, exhilarating, and stressful times of my life. Nursing school and eggnog. Quite a combination. Thank you, Jesus.
In the few short months since starting this highly complex study of healthcare, I have learned more than I ever knew possible about the human body, and this is just the beginning. I think what impresses me the most is that we are all made up of intricately intertwined molecular substances and yet within these material structures mystically resides our intangible spirit. Our personality. Our thoughts, feelings, senses, ideas, memories, preferences, likes and dislikes, and so very much more. Aren't we amazing? I am truly in awe of our distinctly human characteristics. The question remains, though, am I capable of handling this enormous endeavor I have begun to pursue with such fervent angst, fear, and intrigue. I am, after all, only human, and the requirements to complete such a daunting program are at times absolutely overwhelming, to say the least.
But right now, I don't know where to begin. I got in! I was there! I wore the uniform, passed the tests, read the chapters, went to clinical, even met and cared for some real patients! I listened to their heart rates, heard their lung sounds, palpated their abdomen, saw their pain, felt their sorrow, and did what I could to help make them more comfortable. I tried, I really tried. I did my best - but it wasn't good enough. I have so much more to learn, but not this time around.
So many lessons, in so little time. I hope I can figure this out and finish the program. I may be a little slow at learning new things, but then again, I have already learned so much! Perhaps there is a reason for this sudden setback. Like other times in my life when I didn't understand the reason and rhymes of everything, I somehow managed to keep going, like it or not. There must be a lesson to be learned in all this, as difficult as it is not knowing what lies ahead.
Anyway, I hope to find some time to regroup, reorganize, study, focus and thoroughly understand the ins and outs of the many demands in this mightily intriguing profession. The few patients I have met, so far, have already left an unforgettable impression in my now highly matured mind. I would like to thank them, but that is not possible. The only thing I can do now is hope and pray that I get the opportunity to complete this journey, attain my license, and thereafter become the skillful, competent, confident, and compassionate RN I have set my sights on even at this later stage of my life. Merry Christmas everyone, and happy holidays, too!