Way back 2006, I was a newly BSN graduate waiting for the result of my board exam to be released. And while waiting, I volunteered in a private hospital for me to enhance my knowledge and skills and have a pertinent experience needed for my application for work to a bigger hospital someday if ever I'll pass the exam. Little did I know that some unexpected things might happen to me during my stay here.
Well as a newly graduate, I am so eager to do first hand experience in handling different kinds of patient without the supervision of a CI. I am so active in attending patients such as interviewing them, giving medications, taking their vital signs and charting. I almost want to do everything. During the 8 hours duration of my duty, I spent more time staying at bedside of the patients. If there are procedures to do with the patients, I am volunteering to do it as long as I know it and I can. That's how eager and enthusiast I am during those days. My immediate superior is so happy to have me there. I encountered lots of patients here with different illness such as Dengue, Influenza, Stroke, Malaria, PTB and Vehicular Accidents to name a few. There is this particular patient who stayed longer in the hospital than others because of the severity of his case. He was a PTB patient with matching chest tube. Due to the severity of his case, we are monitoring his vital signs more frequently and check his tube placement. Sometimes, I was allowed to do the changing and cleaning his chest tube. We are wearing PPE such as mask and gloves when we attend to his needs and we also wash our hands after. But there were times that I forgot wearing mask when I go near the patient inside the isolation room and while taking his V/S, I only remember wearing it when I am about to finish. So careless of me eh. That's my duty routine everyday. Although it is tiring, it still feels good inside to see my patient reaching out to me for all their problems as if I can solve them all, haha. But more of it, their simple thank you brings a lot of joy in my heart. I really felt satisfaction in helping, caring, and nursing them. And I always end up teary-eyed every time I hear their sincere TY's .(So emotional eh)
Moreover, while I am making myself busy on my duty, I also keep on praying everyday for a positive result of my board exam. Then comes January 15, 2007, it is my day off and little did I know that this will be one of the happiest moments of my life because I learned that I pass the exam. As expected, my family, relatives and friends were so happy for me. Furthermore, after knowing that I've made it, I seriously start planning what I will do next. I know this is the beginning of the next level of my life. I told my parents that I will start looking for a real job in order to help them financially. Then eventually, I will apply for a work abroad after gaining enough experience for me to qualify to work abroad. I hoped, my parents hoped that I will be the one to help them escape poverty and help my other sibling go to school also. So I promised myself to do everything in my power to fulfill my dreams because I want them to be happy and I don't want to disappoint them. But my grandmother who was based in Australia has other plans for me. She wanted me to take IELTS exam because she plans to get me there. So I told myself, "this might be the first step to the fulfillment of my dreams so be it". Then I went to the city to review for my IELTS exam. But there are unexpected things that happened along the way. I didn't take the exam on the supposed date because of the delay of the financial assistance of my grandma. Perhaps miscommunication happened between me and my grandmother. I got disappointed and frustrated so I did not pursue my exam, instead I tried applying for work here and abroad because I really wanted already to be of help financially to my family.
I keep on passing to almost hospital here in the city and at the same time keep on hopping to different agencies for work abroad. And fortunately, I was lucky enough to pass an interview and exam for a work abroad. So I processed my necessary papers needed such as passports and authentications of my documents and lastly, I undergo medical exam. After my med exam, I was so happy because based on the situation, I am about to start attaining my dreams although it is not as exactly as I planned. But still I am happy and satisfied with the way things are happening.
But the worst thing is about to happen because one day, my agency contacted me and informed me that there is a problem to my medical exam. So I went to the clinic where I took my med exam to verify it. I still recall exactly what the clerk told me about the findings. "I am sorry Miss, you've got Undetermined PTB Activity on your X-ray, and you need to consult a doctor". I was stunned for a minute and I did not know how to react so I just got the result and walk out of the room speechless. When it fully sinks my mind the indication of this problem, I told myself "It can't because I didn't feel any signs and symptoms and I am healthy! Maybe they just made a mistake. I am in a denial stage. Then the next thing I know, I am already inside a church kneeling while crying and asking God "Why me Lord? What now? It's not fair? How will my parents react if I'll tell them? Surely they will be as hopeless as me." I no longer know what to expect in the future. I felt so devastated and numbed in pain that time. As if it is already the end of my world.
Although my parents are expecting that I am about to work abroad, I didn't told them immediately that I am not fit to work abroad. Instead I just told them that the result of my exam has been delayed and that my visa is not yet released. But I decided to inform them that there's something wrong with my med exam and that I need to complete a medication first. It also occurs in my mind that maybe it is better off if I will die than living in this world useless. I was really so hopeless that time but I come to realized that maybe God has a better plan for me that's why things like that happens. I began to hope again, besides I really don't want to lose hope because I am the only hope of my parents and I know they still needed me.
At present, I already have a job but I am still hoping that someday I can still work abroad. And as I look back I know where I possibly contracted my illness. It is during the days that I am so eager learn without taking enough precaution to my health. I called it my carelessness days. Even though I regret those days, I can no longer undo it so I might as well just leave everything to the mercy hand of the Lord. I know He has a better plan for me.
The lesson that I've got is that Good Health is one of the best gift that God bestowed on us so we need to do everything to preserve it because as I've said carelessness might cost everything we have. And one thing more, never hurry everything. We should develop a virtue of patience. Always put in mind that God knows best so never let our hope and faith fade in spite of many struggles and hardships we've been through. And lastly, in spite of what happened to me, I still love my nursing profession. I will never forget the good feeling that reigns in me every time I extend my care and help and most especially every time I see the thankful smiles of the ailing patients for the things I've done to them. So to all nurses out there, never lose hope and faith, treat every hardships and struggles as motivation for you to successfully attain your goal in life against all odds. I know this article of mine is quite boring, but as I finish writing this you don't know how happy I am to share this. And I know that in my heart, I already forget the pains that I've been through. Thank you for reading it.