Thank you for your detailed reply and feedback. You make a lot of sense and I appreciate your candor and obvious pulse on human nature.
To clarify a few things I did not include in my first post was while I have over 20 years in ICU this charge nurse and I are almost the same age, I fact we both have children in the same grades (2 of them). I have made small talk about school to stimulate the conversation but she does inquire about me at all and if I say hello to her half the time there is no acknowledgment. After 3 months of speaking to her first I stopped. She actively talks to others so she is not a private person. Again it’s OK she does not want to be social. I still help her patients with call lights, IVs etc because I am doing my job to help the patients- they are all our patients. Bottom line - my work ethic is strong on responsibility but I am supportive not aggressive. Feedback from precepting and being a charge nurse has left me feeling that I show others respect and are approachable. My old manager begged me to stay when a gave my notice but I felt I needed a change after so many years. My old coworkers want me to come back -I have not shared my unhappiness except to two trusted friends. This lack of teamwork has been a new experience for me on many levels.
My new manager I have known for over 5 years and this is her first administration position. She told me she feels so lucky I moved to her unit, thanks me for mentoring the newer grads (we have two) and I have asked her if there are any concerns after I was there 60 and 90 days. Only positive comments from staff. I feel very comfortable with the nurses in their 20’s and 30’s -they actively seek me out with questions and we share recipes and general conversation. I look forward to my weekend when this other nurse is off. Interacting with others is a bonus and often strengthens bonds as a team but I try to accept others . I am definitely challenged here. While my experience level is higher than most here I have never been described as intimidating. I was raised to treat the cleaners person the same as the president.
This morning one of my patients got into respiratory distress and I asked this charge nurse to call the respiratory therapist while I set up suction and titrated an anti hypertensive. She called to me she had to “do staffing “ and walked away. The other RN was off the floor in CT. I called RRT and we stabilized the patient. The charge nurse never asked me about we did or how the patient was - Bipap, suction, etc. I was in that patient’s room for 45 minutes and then finished my other 2 patients that needed meds passed. No support offered and while I realize staffing is a element of charge nurse duties the priority was misplaced. I said to her after “ I’m glad we didn’t have to intubate her but they still might happen” she looked at me and continued to chart . WOW! - no concern at all. I guess I care that she is unconcerned about the patient’s status or being a team and yes it has gotten in my head. I am resigning myself to lower expectations from someone that has the capacity to do better but chooses not to in this situation. I am not accepting that my performance and response will be less than I can give because of her lack of interaction with me. Her behavior I had experienced has been documented according to one of the RRT nurses who responded to my call this am. Apparently this is not a new pattern. This makes it less personal for me but still leaves me unsure to how to address it constructively. Doing nothing and waiting for her to move to another position does not seem healthy for the unit and only lets a infection fester. I hope I am strong enough and brave enough to put my reputation on the line to bring this problem to the light. Thanks for letting me vent and again I appreciate feedback for my next step to resolve this issue