I am hesitant to write this post because when I do it will be a dead give a way to who I am to my fellow students. Your post stood out to me because I recently went through the greatest worst event I could have imagined. I am a senior nursing student and my son was killed in a car accident six weeks ago. A week later my husband lost his job. I decided I had to go back to nursing school. I have four other children at home who lost their brother, and I am trying to keep my head in school. The point is, you have to go on. I wish you could go to another hospital. From my own experience I have realized that sometimes we just have to get back in there. My first day back I was on critical care rotation, three weeks after my son's death, after spending about four hours in the ER with his body. I had to force myself through every minute of the first couple of weeks. Then, the last day I had clinical I realized that I made a difference being there for people. It was such a satisfying feeling. I know that I don't have to deal with the animosity you must feel for the people who were so negligent with your father, but there is a reason that you are in nursing. You can affect so many people for good with your experience. You can even improve your workplace. I hope that you will find the power in yourself to do that. I hope that someday you will be able to look across the cafeteria at those nurses and doctors that you feel so angry toward and smile, because you will know you are better. I myself, do not like wearing defeat. Good luck.