I'm on a locum tenens assignment right now, so, in my head, its more like
me: "there is no doctor, just me and the students. pick your poison"
them: "when's he coming back- i need my ridiculous quantity of narcotics for the ankle sprain i sustained 3 yrs ago. he always gives them to me"
me: "can't do that. sorry charlie. no, i cant call him either, I dunno what country he's even in, i'm just a temp- hell today's my first day, i got lost coming here. where am i? what were we just talking about? im a penguin..." wander off