As a former director for an AL, I can completely understand and sympathize with this situation. There is always one difficult family, that no matter what you do, you still aren't doing enough.
I know you mentioned the ombudsman as being a resident advocate, however I found that if used properly, they can be of help to you in the long run.
The ombudsmans primary responsibilty is to the resident. However they can also be used as a mediator. They must remain neutral, especially if the allegations and demands are baseless as deemed by your state regulations. They can't make up the rules as they go. They must inform a resident of demands that are not the facilities responsibilty to provide. just because a resident loves filet mignon doesn't mean they have the right to have it served 5 nights a week, just for them. You are obligated to provide a well balanced, nutritonal meal working within thier MD's written dietary orders. I suggest talking to the ombudsman and pleading for thier suggestions in handling this situation. I found that if you give them the impression that you are speaking to the "all knowing", "God of all Ombudsmen" and that "they are your last hope", they tend to be more responsive. really butter them up! :)
You have rights as a caregiver and if a client or clients family interfers or sets standards of care guidelines that are beyond the abilities of your facility, you have legal grounds for discharge. Perhaps it is time for a care plan review, can you really still handle the care level for this resident in a safe manner? if not, you must discharge her based on that.
Of course you must be prepared for a battle including a discharge appeal. In Washington State however, private pay residents do not have that right to an appeal, only State $ assisted resident do. In Washington, if they pay privately, you can discharge on any grounds and are only required to give a 30 notice of discharge.
This resident needs at home one on one care. Lord help the Home Health Nurse that gets that assignment. BTW, why can she not have skin to skin/glove to skin contact? Does she bathe her self?
I would also talk to your state surveyor, they love working with situations like this! It will also continuosly be on record that you are being proactive in her care, which will look good if/when another complaint comes in.
My experience also has shown that if you let them complain enough, sooner or later DSH will catch on. You know the story about the little boy that cried wolf!
I would also talk to the DSH about going to an employees home. That is way out of line and there must be some protocol on investigation prcedures. I can't imagine that this is acceptable! if they showed up at my door, they would soon be on the sidewalk or being charged with trespassing. That is harrassment!
Sad part is, despite all my ramblings and best guess advice...fact is, you are in a no win situation and you will just have to wait it out. Sorry!