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marymv3

marymv3

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  1. Hi, so I’m in my 4th year since I’m doing a BSN. I initially went into nursing since I really like the science courses I took in high school and I’m going to admit, I also chose it this career because of the money. Have always been good at math, physics, bio and chem. I took the first year courses like anatomy, physiology, Microbiology, patho physiology and pharmacology in my second year and I really liked them. For our school we started clinicals in 2nd year at a long term care facility. It was for us to learn things like how to give a bed bath, feeding, how to change briefs, and how to use mechanical lifts and transfer belts. I did not enjoy doing these things and this was when I first wanted to switch out of the program and pursue a different career. People were telling me to just stick with it since it I was still in my first semester of second year and that it might “grow on me”, and the problem is it never did. I’ve done acute care (they call med-surg in the states apparently), mental health, and community health rotations and now I am finally in my nursing leadership and management rotation in my 4th year starting Monday. In my 3rd year I actually failed my first acute care (med-surg) rotation only 4 days into the rotations. The main issue was my instructor who singled me out because of my race, I am asian by the way, and everyone in my clinical group was white. She would always nick-pick at things such as correct me on my words when I would say wash my hands and she would correct me and be like “no one has time to wash their hands all the time its called hand hygiene”. She also made comments about why I dyed my hair blonde to try to fit in with caucasian people and that its too long and I need to cut it. She accused me of neglecting my patient because a nurse on that floor offered me the opportunity to do a wound dressing on her patient and I went to go do it. There were a bunch of other things as well but I’m not going to go into it too much since this post is already so long, but most of the other members of my clinical group also had issues with her but they did recognize that our instructor kept singling me out. After she failed me, I had to go to the student advisor to get my schedule revised since they change our curriculum, added in the leadership and management rotation and took out our OB rotation, which then meant I had to do an extra year of school, so 5 years in total. I continued with my schooling and rotations and never felt that spark or passion for nursing, I was just doing them in order to get a good mark and pass. A lot of the students seemed to have this nurturing personality and genuinely loved the relationships they have created with their patients and they always share stories during post-conference at the end of our clinical shift, and I always had nothing to share because I didn’t really care, I just wanted to go home and study for other classes. I was doing my preceptorship on a cardiac surgery unit in the fall term 2020 (Sept to December) and my preceptor did not pass me, she even asked me during our zoom meeting if I liked nursing or not and that she sees my heart is not in it and its kind of sad. So I have to repeat this preceptorship in the Spring/Summer semester (May to august) after I do this leadership and management rotation from January to April. I’ve realized I don’t really love nursing and should of switched out during my very first clinical rotation I’ve ever had to save time and money. But I have two semesters left to do and the smart thing is just to finish it so at least I have a bachelor’s degree and then pursue something else. I was thinking of doing computer science, engineering, or pharmacy but I’m already 22 years old and don’t have much time left. I know I’m going to get a lot of people who are mad at the reason why I choose nursing, but believe me when I say I really wanted to love nursing, but I just didn’t. I’m literally crying as I write this because I’m so miserable, I can’t see myself doing this for 45 years. I’ve googled non-bedside nursing jobs and they all seem to need years (like 5-7 years) of experience as a bedside RN and I don’t want to put myself through that suffering just to get a job in public health or informatics. So I just need some help here on options 😞