I have a few weeks till the end of my orientation. I am a freshly graduated nurse who is working on the ICU. I really like my unit and finds the staff really helpful and really to help me learn new things. The past few weeks have been pretty bad especially last week. It was the busiest week for me and the unit in general especially with everything picking back up. I had a few transfers and keep getting new admissions. I made some mistakes or did not catch on to certain things, so my preceptor had to correct me. I learn from them and know better now. My confidence was slowly being built and I thought I was doing okay. I do forget to do certain things, but I am honest about it when my preceptor ask. I knew that I had things to work on, but didn't know it was that bad.
I had my first meeting in regards to my orientation and it went really bad. They were saying that they felt I might not be the best fit for the unit and I really need to prove myself. They said that I seem unsure when I am talking to doctors and seem like I don't know anything about my patients. I have horrible time with rounds and talking to doctors in general. I am a pretty shy person who, which as my username implies, lacks confidence in general with myself due to years of just being talked down to all my life by everyone even my loved ones. When I am questioned, I blank out even when I know my material. I am trying to improve myself as best as I can and trying to review my material. They say I lack critical thinking and don't understand why the other new orienteers are doing better and why I am struggling. (the other orienteers have experience either as a nurse or a PCT on the unit). I have a heavy accent as well as English is not my first language. I was told to learn how to talk especially with my pronunciation with the drugs.
I am trying really hard now to review and to somehow build more confidence in myself in the next few days that I am off. I am writing different words down, looking up their pronunciation and repeating them to myself. I plan to come even earlier than I have been to look up patients' charts. However, I would admit the meeting really made me lost the little confidence that was slowly being built. I feel so overwhelmed and don't want to lose my job. I really love nursing and the patients in general, so I want to be able to improve myself as best as I can to show that I really do want to be here and be able to perform at the level they want me to. I could really use some advice on what I can do to improve myself and tips. Thank you.