I have been a nurse for about 2.5 years now(I've been in healthcare since 2008). I feel like I cannot find my place where I am happy and just fit in. My background:
My first job as an RN was a new grad on a med surg unit in a critical access hospital working nights. We also got to float to the er if they needed help. Well it started getting to the point where I would start having upwards of 8-12 patients(half high acuity) sometimes I would have an aide all shift or I wouldn't at all and other times the second nurse would get called to the er. So I was left with that many patients by myself doing meds and such. Well I reached out to my boss letting her know hey I need help at 2 am. She didn't care and called me back in 5 minutes, after telling me she would reach out to day shift to see if I can get help. She responds with well they can't but if you still need help let me know. She also lied about day shift possibility and stated it was by seniority. Mind you night shift had almost all new grads on it with nobody we could really reach out to. Needless to say I touched it out for about a year when I got offered a position with a primary care clinic working day shift.
I was working with a provider and she just would continually complain even when I would try my hardest. So I transferred to a different Dr in the office and it was going well until they pulled me off of that Dr since he needed to start working faster. Well I got put on phone triaging which was not bad at all but got draining being on the phone all day, pulling about 100 messages off the phone a day, calling them all back, etc. I also wound up having to stay almost an hour every day with that amount of volume. It just got to the point where it was a drain on my mental health and I couldnt take it anymore. So I was offered a position in express care where I currently am.
In express care I was hired to be a resource and float to the different clinics to help if a clinic got slammed busy. I loved it and then covid happened and now I am pushed into a leadership role. No expectations were set or talked to me about it so I just trucked along like I thought I was doing okay. I am constantly bombarded with patient complaints, issues, and other stuff. I thought I was doing well but Friday my boss and another woman who is head of the providers pretty much ripped me up and down for 40 minutes. They told me staff and providers don't respect me, staff hate working with me, they don't feel supported at all by me, they think I am just sitting there doing nothing, I disappear, etc. They did not tell me what I am doing right just that I am messing up. They also said to reach out to the nurses and providers and ask what I'm doing wrong and provided no type of advice to go on just that I need to figure it out. They also threw out that maybe this isn't the right place for me. Every day I come in staff are standoffish towards me, won't talk to me, etc. I have been busting my *** trying to make sure we get supplies, helping as much as I can, and it still feels like it's not good enough. I have also reached out to a few nurses I trust to be honest but they won't tell me how I can improve. Since my boss won't tell me what people are complaining about.
I just feel like maybe nursing was a bad choice or I'm not cut out for nursing.