I graduated in December 2019, passed my NCLEX in January 2020 and started working the week after passing. Got 2 weeks of orientation and here I am in my 7th month of Nightshift ICU nursing.
I hate it. I'm depressed. I'm exhausted. I feel like an idiot. Since starting I am tripled every night. Since I'm in Texas we just got our huge COVID wave and I have started being assigned COVID ICU patients (TRIPLED) so managing 2 intubated COVID patients plus one on high flow and a non-rebreather is DRAINING. (Don't get me started on how we have NO PCAs/Techs to help)
I have reached out to my assigned mentor and one of my charge nurses and they have been encouraging and kind saying I'm on the right track and I'm doing well. But I come home and cry all the time. I can't see anyone or go anywhere because of COVID so my only interaction is with my patients and co-workers who are also burned out and busy.
I want to give up. I want to leave the ICU. Sometimes I just want to leave nursing. I feel like I made a mistake and I have no idea what to do now.
I am in a 2 year contract so my options are transferring to a different unit in the healthcare system I am in, going back to school (Public Health? FNP? Education?), or powering through the 2 years. Or just changing career paths entirely but even then I just feel so beaten down.