I have posted about this before. I don't want to come across as the newish nurse that complains constantly about their job, but I guess I need advice/ need to vent/ feel as if I am at a cross roads at my company. I work for a relatively large non-profit hospital network. I was super pumped to get the job. I had 7 months experience prior at a SNF and I was super excited to try something new and different- primary care (both adults and peds). I started this job in July- about a month ago. I began orientation at an adult primary care clinic that is mostly spanish speaking. My first week of orientation, my preceptor didn't let me do anything aside from checking the crash cart and her documentation. She on many occasions told me she was going to treat me as a brand new nurse or a student. I was super bummed, but after talking to my husband- thought well maybe this is how she teaches. At the end of week 1- she told me she didn't trust me to do anything right and that I wasn't taking orientation seriously. The one wound care she let me do, she made me re-do it three times. Things were also super slow because of COVID, so there was a lot of downtime. Honestly, I probably wasn't taking things too seriously, and I take responsibility for that entirely. So the next week, I did everything she asked, I let her teach how she wanted to teach. The second week rolled by and my review was a little better. She was still doing a bunch of hand holding- wouldn't let me submit documentation without her viewing it first, standing behind me with every patient. But I was feeling more comfortable with the staff and the doctors (huge practice- 12 or so doctors, 15 or so medical assistants). Week 3 came by and she no longer wanted to help me. It seemed like everytime I asked a question, she gave me quite a bit of attitude- like I should know the answer to these questions. The past couple days, I have been seeing patients by myself/doing all the documentation/ scheduling new appointments etc. I was pretty proud of myself- navigating all of this on my own, often times with limited spanish. Today, preceptor called me into her office and said a bunch of stuff that was really discouraging.
1) "If you make it through the 90 days, you are going to have to be able to work at lots of clinics". (I am in a position where I can be placed at many different clinics). I almost said.."what do you mean if"? But I just let her continue. I was super offended that she would phrase it this way- that she didn't think I would make it out of the probation period.
2) She started grilling me on random facts- what do you wear for contact precautions. I had the correct answer, but also threw face mask in there because... well we are always wearing face masks. She used that as an opportunity to tell me I was an unsafe nurse.
3) Refused to mark off skills I had clearly shown her I was more than proficient in. I am aware I have a lot of things to learn. And I was excited about learning them. Now I am just dreading any contact with her.
4) She basically told me it was time for me to move to a different clinic. And that I was going to be placed somewhere else for the next week and wasn't going to be working with her anymore. She phrased it like she wanted me to experience something else, but I really got the impression that she just didn't want to deal with me anymore.
I just feel like this job might not be working out for me. I feel exhausted and defeated and like maybe I shouldn't even be a nurse. In my previous job, I had positive reviews from my supervisors. I took care of my patients, and always viewed myself as a safe nurse who could critically think pretty well. I just feel like no matter what I do I can't win.
