I’m at a loss for what to do anymore. I’ve been working as a nurse for 6 years now; next year February it will be 7 years. Been in CT surgery icu for 2 years now. Also I have been studying for my Masters, got married this year to a wonderful person, and overall have a lot going on for me outside of work that is going great.
And yet I’ve never wanted to die so much in my entire life.
I already see a psychiatrist and my depression and anxiety have been well controlled for years. But the work they have been imposing on is has been absolutely inhumane. I work in a very high acuity CTICU unit and the assignments everyone has been getting is awful (I’ve seen them pair CVVH, centrimag, etc). Yesterday they paired me with an unstable post op cabg/AVR Post op day 0 who bled in the OR with neurological Deficits/possible stroke, with a total care patient who had a ton of meds, required physical therapy, frequent diuresis/subsequent electrolyte replacement with Vtach runs. Had to balance that nightmare with 2 sets of anxious families, one of which knew a supervisor who reported me for having a dismissive and unacceptable bedside manner (which I do is admit is unacceptable but I was close to tears and was struggling to keep a MAP > 60 and run to CT Scan at that time...).
We have an absurd amount of turnover and we lost a lot of staff this year and the year before. There is almost no help and the managers are just running around in meetings and catering to whatever survery (VAD, Jcaho, etc) comes around. Even more people are leaving and a lot of new staff either quit in orientation or leave after a year. I’ve been on this unit and it was difficult at first but it’s been getting increasingly worse.
Any advice on what to do would be welcome. I don’t know if I should talk to my manager, the union, or just shoot myself at this point. Thanks for listening.
