Sorry for the long post /:
I recently started my first nursing job on a med surg/ortho unit. I had 10 weeks on orientation and have been on my own for 2 months on night shift, and I am struggling. Everything seems great on paper - wonderful managers, amazing coworkers, and a really good ratio of 4-5 patients for each nurse. But I dread going to work before every shift, and I am so full of anxiety all the time. I've had quite a few rude/grumpy patients, which really hasn't helped. I've been good at dealing with rude people in the past (I have some experience in the customer service industry), but lately it's seems that nothing I do can ease their moods. I got into nursing because I truly wanted to help people, but lately I've been feeling more and more apathetic - which I know sounds really really bad. It's just been so stressful, and I've had so many rude patients, I'm having a harder and harder time seeing that it's worth it. I know most of it is my perspective, and if I look for positives, I probably wouldn't be as stressed as I am now. But it's getting harder to see any postives. I'm feeling burnt out already. Every day before work, I feel that I just don't want to do it, and I pray that I get asked to be put on call or canceled.
When I accepted the job, I signed a contract for 2 years, and if I leave this company before that, I have to pay back the stipend I received while on orientation (which is not possible). I've talked to my managers and nurse educators and was basically told to stick it out for at least a year, then I can try another unit.
Before this, I worked in accounting, and I can't help but think I've made a big mistake going into nursing. I don't have a degree in accounting though, so it wouldn't be that easy to go back to it. I know everyone says it takes a year to feel any sort of confidence in your practice, but I'm feeling miserable right now. I'm not sure I can make it a year.
I'm not even sure if I have a question; I mostly needed to get all this out. Any advice is greatly appreciated though!