The title says it all...
As a background, I am 22 years old and graduated in May from a top-tier BSN program. I got a job at one of the best hospitals in the country and graduated from school with a GPA > 3.5. The point is, I sound awesome on paper. Everyone keeps telling me "how smart i must be" to have accomplished this much at such a young age.
On the other hand, in real life, I am an extremely slow hands-on learner. Parts of nursing school were rough for me because I was more anxious (I have an anxiety disorder that gets exacerbated by anything nursing related) and because I'm more book smart than hands-on smart. Clinicals were rough for me, but I somehow made it through.
At this hospital I'm at, I'm on my 6th week of orientation on a very fast paced med-surg, tele floor. 2 of the 6 weeks I was in a sit-down style orientation (almost like nursing school) with the other new grads. So, I really have been on the floor for 4 weeks although I'm technically 6 weeks into my orientation. The thing is, I'm expected to be able to handle 5 patients on day shift and 6 patients on night shift. I'm currently at 4 patients but struggling.
My last shift, my manager said "hi ______!" in the morning all enthusiastically, but then later on in the day he saw me and avoided me/looked down at the floor. At the time, I didn't even think twice. He is the manager after all, and I assumed he wasn't even thinking about me and was just busy.
Towards the end of the day, my preceptor tells me we have to extend my orientation and that he told my manager about it. I asked him what happens if I'm still struggling after this extra week, and he made a face and was like "we'll take it one day at a time."
I then have a flashback to my manager looking down at the floor and avoiding me and I realized...he's probably avoiding me bc he knows he's going to have to let me go if I don't improve. Idk what to do since I moved out of state for this job. If I get fired I have no idea how I'll pay for rent or any of my student loans. I have no idea who's gonna hire me with 1 month's experience. I'm devastated and I feel like a giant idiot/failure.
Has anyone else been terminated from orientation and if so how did you recover?? Please let me know, thanks. Also, do you think I should bring up that I'm cognizant of being on the slower end?? Should I quit before they fire me? I really hope if they let me go that I'll be able to at least just switch to a different floor or even outpatient. I just have no idea what to do!
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