I am doing my clinical hours at a CNA internship. We did 1 week at a SNF that was ok. It was very small and cramped but we learned a lot. We went to a second SNF and I’m mortified they use bath towels soaked in water and hand soap for clean up of diaper changes. I was doing well at the first facility because they used bathroom wipes for diaper changes. But at this new place this one practice of using the towels and many instances of cross contamination and poorly cared for patients. My whole class hates it. I am not performing well due to fear of contamination and am making mistakes. I accidentally plopped a patient into a wheelchair while my teacher was next to me helping. I had a surge of anxiety, then panicked and walked away. My teacher is very nice, but I feel like now she and everyone will judge me for this. I am really struggling. I have no previous patient care experience and just about EVERYTHING they do at clinical is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what we are studying. The dissonance is really messing with me. My classmates (some) talk about how all they care about is the money. The money is actually not a consideration in trying to go into nursing, but they know how to act like they care in front of the teacher. Seems like those who succeed are the ones who fake the best. I want to make a difference in the health system. Numerous nurses I’ve worked with encouraged me, but just don’t know how to “right” myself. (((Sigh))) Any suggestions.