Some background. I've been a Nurse for a little over a year. Work nights. Like many hospitals understaffed and overworked. 6:1 ratios with high acuity patients, sometimes no CNA's or CNA's have half of a high acuity floor, act like a step down ICU with some of the patients who are not appropriate for the floor, shorted in everything - the list goes on. You can push for resources as much as you want and get nothing. 10 nurses gone in about a 18 month period for the floor and counting. I'm sure many of you know how I feel.
No matter how crazy the nights were I used to love my job. Used to.
As I have grown in my practice and become more confident in speaking out my concerns for my patients, contacting and pushing educators and coordinators to voice my frustrations and try to spark a change - only to walk away feeling like a total fool. For a place that "promotes" and advocates for so many things, "promotes" highly encourage learning, "state" being open minded, "push" Nurses to make a difference and want changes to occur so that we all can advance and grow in an ever changing field - when the time comes to act, they refuse to live up to their mission and values and change.
They have taken my questions and concerns with disdain.
As a Nurse, every patient I deal with, is a human life in my hands. The patients I take care of each shift trust me to protect them, advocate for them, be knowledgeable about them, and over all value their individual lives regardless of how many patients or other people that need care are out there. I like being thorough. I believe I am doing a disservice to my patients if I do not get a whole picture from their chart (even if it is just very basic - it would be a dream to have enough time every day to delve into each patient) in order to serve them the best for that shift.
I have begun raising concerns regarding my patient's safety being put at risk. Asking questions why things are done a certain way and trying to learn and also provide feedback as a floor Nurse.
Those concerns are easily dismissed and in return we are docked on items that are solely intended to raise the hospital's status and finances. I get that is what hospitals have to do but if the employees can barely keep their heads above water - the patients are the ones who really suffer from hospital issues. All cares are affected.
This hospital doesn't seem to understand that or care when concerns are brought up. Like many hospitals I am sure. It feels like they focus on the *** rather than what health care should really be about. I know this could open a whole can of worms and branch into other things but this whole post is really about one thing - Do I quit?
I have had it.
I feel cheated.
I have moral crises everyday.
I fight with myself constantly after work when I go over how a shift went. The anxiety. The stress. The tears. Work thoughts always take over. No matter where I go, what I do - even my self care getaways.
I am tired of being told that my passion for this job is a "new nurse (whatever they say)" and I am devastated. Today I felt that this place robbed me of my love for this job. Its weighing so heavily on me. I have never been at such a cross roads before.
I sacrificed so much to become a Nurse but this place has me truly considering leaving the career completely and make me ask "what's the point". I could apply to another hospital but my work has made me feel there is no place in the health care world that isn't different than what things are like now. I am mentally exhausted. I can never refresh.
Do I quit?
Do I stay?
If I stay, how do I survive?
Would love to hear what people who have gone through this have felt, thought, and done.